God's wake up calls

Today is not a good day.

I'm having a complete downer about being here. I know I shouldn't be and I feel guilty about it, which obviously doesn't help. I've been thinking a lot lately about how my attitude needs to be about how this experience is a privilege, but I'm slipping into sacrifice today.

It's not that I'm not loving it, cause I am, I really am. It's just that I feel like I'm missing stuff at home. It's really quite dumb. I remember vaguely lots of other times when I have missed out on things because I feel like I'll lose something else. I'm not usually one for stepping out of the box, and this might just be stretching me a bit too far.

I need to learn to rely on God though. I've spend too many years relying on friends and family and here's the challenge laid in front of me. A step into the great unknown, with no preconceptions to hold me back.

I also know that change can be good. Change can create domino effects that result in big things that happen. Change has always been a hard thing for me though. It means that people move on, that new things are learnt, but old things are forgotten. I don't want to be one of those forgotten friends. I don't want to lose people just because I took a step off their path, or because I changed just a bit too much. I feel like I'm clinging to some known existance that's never going to have a place for me again.

And I know I'm being dramatic. I know that when I go home it really will be like the rest of the world has stayed the same. Sure, some of my friends will have to leave for uni again, but the months of summer will be like any other year. My family especially will always be there for me. I do know that deep down there somewhere. It's just really hard to rely on hope. I like hard facts.

My prayer is that I learn to rely on God and His hope. To know that wherever God leads me, it's the only place that fits; The only way that the jigsaw of my life is ever going to make His complete big picture.

Jesus is the reason for the season

Ooops... ah well, I'm still not as bad as other people at updating their blogs..not mentioning any names though..

I guess I didn't write because I didn't think I had anything to write. I also just wasn't in the mood to sit in front of the computer and pour out my thoughts. Who knows what would come out if I did. I did go through a few days of weirdness. It really is the only way to explain it.

So since my last entry we have been getting back into the normality of work without holidays. There has been lots of organising going on for the next holiday though.

I went to see a movie called "Christmas with the Kranks." I recommend seeing it as long as you aren't emotional and away from your family. Basically it starts with the daughter going away for Christmas and how the parents deal with that. I really got upset during it cause I don't want to be away from my family during Christmas. I know they'll phone and my parents will be here January 10th, but it's just not the same.

A good thing is that it makes me appreciate my family more. Now that I've had to live without them I can't wait to see them and to try and make family life better. I want to spend more time with them and be more informed about their lives. We aren't very good at talking about stuff even though we're a really close family. At least I already know I've learnt something from this experience.

Gary and Louise came over with Margaret's parents. It was nice to hear more Irish accents, although going round in a group of 7 was a bit weird. Especially since they are all connected because they are family. I was just a friend. Of course one of the sales reps wanted the entire story of the group. Surprise, surprise, he was partly Irish. Isn't everyone?

It was nice to catch up with Gary and Louise. They paid for way too many meals though!

It was also Margaret's birthday and we went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. I had chicken. Apparently not the done thing at a Steakhouse and just for that, Ronda took me to a BBQ place and got me some pork. My mum will be pleased that I managed to eat it and actually keep it down - Even though I didn't look so good when I took the first bite. Ronda thought she might have made a mistake making me eat it.

Charlie and I wrote a song for Christmas Eve service. He mostly wrote it, I just gave him a few ideas. The main theme is the Saviour's Star. I quite like it now that it's been put to music. I won't take any credit for it though, even though Charlie will say that I wrote it with him. I just changed a few words, like an editor rather than a writer.

During this week I just broke down. All the Christmas stuff and being away from my family and friends from home was just too much for me. I wasn't at the stage of giving up and going home, but I was at the stage of uncontrollable crying. My eyes were glistening quite a few times on Wednesday morning and I did have to let a few tears fall when I phoned my mum in work. Now every time I yawn Ronda thinks she might have said something to upset me. Thankfully I'm no longer on edge so I can control my tears. Homesickness really is evil.

Anyway, I hope you are all well and not too stressed out what with Christmas being so close. Be thankful you don't have Christmas Live Nativity to help organise. I'll update soon, maybe after the chaos has subsided and I have more to write about!
xo.

Thanksgiving

So I said I would update about Thanksgiving and now that I have some time and don't appear to be falling asleep I will.

On Thursday (Thanksgiving day) I awoke at 7am and went downstairs to help with preparations. There was lots of cleaning to be done and then some food to be made. I don't think I was much help, but I tried.

Gary's sister and her family came around 1pm as did Christine, Sharon and Howard. Everyone gathered in the kitchen as the final cooking went on. It was a little crowded to say the least. I got to try Iced Roaches. Yummy. We also had dips and snacks.

Dinner was very like Christmas dinner. There was turkey, potatoes, gravy, stuffing, corn and then some other unique stuff such as green chili corn, sweet potato pie, pumpkin pie and cabbage salad. All edible and I've adjusted well to American food.

Overall, it was a good meal and the company was good. Afterwards there was the usual crashing on the couch before the guests left and the cleanup began. I was very glad to go to bed.

So now you've experienced Thanksgiving second hand. Basically Boxing Day except the grace is more about being thankful and the decorations are associated with Autumn.

The day after Thanksgiving is a day for the shops to go crazy. Some shops had sales on everything they sold and some opened as early as 5.30am. I didn't get up that early, but I did get some bargains and some great Christmas presents.

Celebrating Thanksgiving made me think about Christmas and how much I'm going to miss my family and our traditions. I'm just thankful to be in such a warm and loving home.

'Twas the Monday before Thanksgiving

I thought now would be a good time to write before all the chaos of Thanksgiving occurs.

The weekend was pretty hectic and tiring. I stayed at Charlie's house on Friday night so that the dogs wouldn't get lonely. I didn't sleep very well and then had to get up early to go to Wellington Mall. I guess I wasn't in the mood to shop cause I only got two things (and one of those Sharon bought me for Christmas. Just in case you wanted to know, Sharon is Dawn's mum. She treats me somewhat like a grandchild.)

After the long day at the mall I went to sleep for two hours. I didn't mean to, but couldn't help it. It did mean that I didn't feel like eating until Sunday morning though.

I have never had such a mad Sunday. First of all we have Hanging of the Greens next week -a service when the kids decorate the church. Apparently I'm now singing with the youth. Don't know how I ended up doing that seeing as I'm not a member of the youth, but I guess I don't really mind. Only thing is that they sing Away in a Manger to a weird melody and it quite annoys me. It's one of my favourite Christmas songs and now I won't get to sing it the right way.

So anyway, we were practicing for that and then I had my Sunday school class. After Sunday school I went to lunch with a few girls from youth. We had our first small group and it went ok. They got a little bit sidetracked but I was ok with that cause I wanted to keep it casual, but then I wasn't ok with it cause we weren't really getting anywhere. We did get back to the point though and I think they were inspired by the story we read. Hopefully they got something out of it. I don't feel particularly gifted as a small group leader.

As Charlie was away this weekend Youth Band practice was slightly different. We went through some stuff but things just seem to flow better when Charlie is there. Youth definitely flows better. I just don't like being in a position of authority.

Anyway, today was fun. We had the twins, Trinity and Logan, over and we took them to the park. They are so cute when they are sleeping and they didn't cry all day. Only thing was that it was very tiring and I hurt my ankle again. Oops. Ah well.

Gary and Louise are coming tomorrow so soon enough I will have chocolate again. Yay! I can't wait. I might also have contact lenses and some more clothes.

Anyway, I'm going to go rest now. Hope you are all well!

I would say Happy Thanksgiving, but you don't celebrate it. Perhaps you could learn some stuff about it though...I'm an expert.

Sporadic scoops

Sorry that my entries are so sporadic but I don't really feel I have much to write.

Over the weekend I didn't do very much. I organised stuff for youth and spent lots of time practicing the piano. I accompanied the Children's Choir on Sunday in a service for the most annoying song in the world. Thankfully I managed not to make any mistakes but now people think I can actually play without 20 hours of practice so I've already been signed up to play "Deck the halls" a week on Sunday. Not fun. I'm dreading it simply because people know the song so well so they'll know if I get it wrong.

Also on Sunday we had Youth Band practice. Charlie, being Charlie, made me sing into a microphone and attempt to play guitar at the same time. I never thought it would be so challenging, or that my fingers would hurt so much. I've been practicing every day and next week he won't be there so I'll have to lead practice. It could be amusing or just depressing. Thankfully we don't have to play for a while so we have time to practice the three songs that we have. I'm liking the challenge of it cause it's something I really want to be able to do, even though I keep saying that I just want to sing. I think that's cause I miss singing so much. Last year it was part of basically every day of my life. Now I'm glad to have a driver's license so I can sing along with the radio. Sad, I know.

I did have the opportunity this week to work on my music theory as Charlie passed the job of writing music for the trombone to me. Slightly challenging as I don't know much about the trombone and I haven't done theory for 2 and a bit years.

Tonight I helped lead a 1 st grade class. It was fun. We learnt about John the Baptist and I was impressed at how well they listened. We also made cardboard doves. They were covered with feathers and had a spoon attached to the bottom, apparently to make it fly better. I didn't see the improvement but that's what the book said. Then again, it did say to use a paper plate and not a cardboard bird. Ah well. They still enjoyed sticking loads of feathers on and telling me all about Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is next week and I think Dawn is going to have lots of family round. Slightly worrying. But I'm sure it'll still be fun.

Anyway, not much else has been happening except for the usual busy office life. The next few months will be hectic with Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year but hopefully I'll find time to keep you up to date.

Hope you are all good. I am- I had my first Monday off without being sick in over a month and didn't do a thing!

Driving Miss Daisy

Yesterday I was helping Becca with her cramming for her history test when I got a phone call from Charlie. My proper permit had arrived and he was very excited to tell me that I had to get up and be ready for 6.45 this morning.

So we arrived at the DMV at 7.15ish and were number 00. It had started at 70 something so we were in for a long wait. About 3 hours. Finally they called the number and then said there were still people in front me for the test so we waited another half hour. Finally I got into the car with the examiner.

I was really stressed about it. I was pretty sure I was going to fail and as I had so much time to think about stuff I had come up with lots of things to fail over. Anyway, we drove around and then back to the DMV and I passed with flying colours. Absolutely no mistakes. I was totally shocked. I still am. It's completely weird to be driving in a car on my own. I'll probably get lost soon!!

On Saturday we went to Boonadducious which was a Christian concert with Toby Mac and Third Day. It was pretty cool. At one stage I was just staring into the sky. It was a clear night and the stars were really bright. I started thinking that it would be very easy for someone to question why so many of us were at a Christian concert. It's odd how I have studied so much science and yet it's still really hard to actually prove God. Anyway, I was looking at the stars and I started thinking about how they are just like God. He's always there, even when we can't see him.

When I got home I wrote a poem about it cause I finally felt inspired. The weird thing is that my devotion on Sunday was about the stars and how someone had flown up in search of God but had found no proof. Had he been a poet he might have seen God everywhere. I was slightly freaked at the link but then I thought about how cool it is. I like having images from God.

Next Sunday I have to play piano with the children's choir. I'm really nervous. I don't feel very confident when I play and an audience puts me off. But I can still do all things through Christ who strengthens me so I'll just keep trying. I'm also playing guitar with the youth band. I only started teaching myself a few months ago and I didn't really put much effort into it before. It's all rather daunting. I'd quite like to just go back to singing. It's so much easier!

When I was scrolling through my blog I noticed that there were links through out it. Does anyone know where they came from? I wasn't very pleased cause the blue doesn't really go. Plus who wants to look up chocolate cake online? It's no fun if you can't smell or eat it. (Bet I have another link for that now!)

Anyway, I'm such a waster cause now I'm tired. I have been up since 6.15 but who goes to bed at 9.30? I guess I should just go with what my body says though cause I've already been sick too much!

Hope you are all well.
xo.

Malteaser Moment

Do you ever have blonde days? I'm having one. I just can't get my brain to compute anything. Charlie asked me to find a story about serving. Something inspirational that we can use with youth next week. All I can come up with is about starfish. It's quite a cute story but not entirely relevant.

I think I'm stressing myself too much about it. I want to be able to contribute but everything just seems a bit much for me today and I think I'm going to have to take a few deep breaths to get back to something close to normal. I was hoping to be more collected today but it's not going to happen.

I haven't done much this week. On Wednesday Ronda couldn't come to Extreme Kids so I had to take the 4/5 year old class. It went somewhat well. Elijah wouldn't be my first choice on a story to tell. They had more questions about how bread is made than anything. They also got a bit distracted and started to recite humpty dumpty to me. It was cute the first time but rather annoying after a while.

We did lots of dancing and so I got lots of exercise. It was cool to see them so excited about the songs. One little girl got this really complicated clapping rhythm completely right every time. I was so impressed.

I went to the mall yesterday and bought a few inspirational books. I will tell you about them when I start reading them. They look pretty good though and I'm excited about getting closer to God. I was kind of feeling a bit like I was sinking but I'm hanging in there.

Charlie read one of my poems to the youth. Thankfully he only told middle high that I wrote it. I don't mind him using it, and it did fit quite well, but it's embarrassing. I only really write for me. It's a great way to work stuff out in my head but I don't want everyone to read them cause it's kind of like bearing my soul or something. Each one is part of me and even though in my opinion they are pretty rubbish as far as poetry goes, they are still important to me. I wrote a new one last night and it was really exciting as I haven't written in so long. I love being inspired even if it is about sad stuff or hard stuff to think about.

I hope you are all well unlike me! I've had what seems to be a cold, though I'm told it's allergy stuff, for about a week. I'm feeling a bit better but it's still gross.

I'll try and update soon even though we have no computer at the house.
xo.

Time flies when you're having fun

Last week was somewhat hectic. So much so that I'm now sick again. It's not fair that I always get sick!

On Friday I went to see a movie with Kathy called Birth. It has that creepy kid from Godsend in it. Anyway, we thought that it would be scary, but actually everyone just said "WHAT?" when the movie ended. In fact a girl two rows in front turned round to someone behind her and asked if they could explain it. I don't think I recommend it but if there's a sequel I'll probably see it just so that some of it can be explained.

On Saturday I carved my very first pumpkin! It's so cute. We lit it up last night and put it out front. I'll try and upload the picture sometime soon.

Of course Halloween is a huge thing here. I went trick or treating to three houses and got enough sweets for a month. Then I felt too sick and came back to hand out stuff at the door. I dressed up as an angel and might have been described as cute had it not been for the red runny nose. I think I have hay fever!

Yesterday we also went to a pool party. Of course I was too sick to go in the pool, but Spencer did try really hard to push me in. It was very close but thankfully I didn't go in. Who knows what would have happened if I had.

Anyway, I should go and rest some more. Hope you are all good.
xo.

Just a little break

I feel bad for not updating sooner but I've not been very able to type the past few days. Since Sunday my right hand has been about twice the size it's meant to be from an allergic reaction. I never want to go through that again. I thought they might need to amputate it at one point.

Anyway, last Saturday I spent the day with Ronda. We went to the Vero outlet mall and looked about. It was basically a time for me to spend time with her daughter Nicky. Apparently I should have friends outside church too. If I did need to pick one I think she would be a good choice cause she's really nice and likes to have fun.

This week I was meant to take my driving test but I can't do it until I get my proper learners permit. It took the guy an hour and a half to tell us that though. I was not very happy!

Today I took story time at care college. I was a little nervous and talked really fast! Oops.

I also got a package from my sister. There were some birthday cards, a "My sister" book of quotes and a bracelet. It made me a little upset.

Homesickness is one of those annoying cycles that you think you get through but then it comes back. Like when you have the hiccups and you hope they're done but then they aren't after all.

Hope you are all good. I miss you!
xo

The same stars sparkle in the sapphire sky

I'm sitting in the Stannis office at the moment and I'm being pretty antisocial so this should be quick.

I'm doing ok at the moment. Surviving with being away from my family and stuff. I'm also getting lots of opportunities to try new things.

I was going through one of my really stupid (and probably frustrating for other people) moments of not liking myself. Really annoying thing is that I can argue with myself about it, especially about comparing myself to other people! It would be quite amusing for other people to listen to- if only it wasn't in my head.

I'm sure you're very pleased to read my pessimistic rambling. I do have positive moments too. Like the fact that I'm putting in 100% and I'm willing to do pretty much anything I'm asked to. I still need to work on initiative. I'm not very good at that! Charlie says he's impressed with me though. I'm just impressed I've lasted this long. I'm determined to stick it out and get as much out of it as I possibly can. As I've been taught that you have to give a lot to get a lot I'm giving all I can.

Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling and go be a family member.

Hope you are good!
xo.

Finding Nemo

I just read the NaNoBlogMo thing and it looks pretty cool. It's about writing a novel. I've always wanted to write one but never had enough drive or inspiration to. I think I'd still like to though. I just need to find a topic.

Today I have to say was pretty uneventful and not too blog worthy. I did spend some time working through a program for Care College (group of 4/5 year olds that meet at church with the cool Care College teachers). Charlie and I are going to get a chance to do stuff with them for a while on Thursday mornings. We're going to use puppets and tell bible stories and sing songs. It sounds very fun and something I'm excited about being involved in. I love kids that age and I really love getting to spend time with them and watching them learn. Yes, I am somewhat passionate about them and have considered teaching, but Stran is evil and I think that I'll just do something with chemistry instead. Or just keep my options open until I absolutely have to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

I watched a movie tonight (Cinderella Story) with Becca and Kathy. It got me thinking about leaving school and now being in a weird place. School provides so much structure and I love having that in my life. I'm kind of in the middle of the ocean now -with everything looking the same and yet nothing is familiar. I do feel blessed though just from being able to spend time with people here, but I feel partly that I don't know what I'm doing and that I'm not really meant to be here. I know many will tell me that it's the devil attacking and stuff, and yeah I do believe in the spiritual warfare and I have felt that the devil has attacked me, but it feels more like I'm torn between things. I can see the good in both situations and so it's conflicting me. I guess I'm meant to be here though.

I hope you are all good and are feeling more secure in your surroundings than I am.

BIRTHDAYS

So I've not been very good at keeping this updated. I'm sorry! Life seems to have got more hectic- or just less organised since I've started seperating my time to kids and youth work. But I do feel that I need to make time to write and I should be able to do that now cause the Stannis computer is fixed.
Yesterday was quite an exciting day... it was my 19th birthday! Still scared to say it was my 19th but birthdays are still cool. I went to church in the morning and we had cupcakes in the sunday school class- or buns! They were yum. Chocolate and vanilla frosting (with chocolate chips!) Charlie and Margaret came to visit our class with exciting news. I'd already guessed but it was still exciting! I guess you'd want to know too... Margaret is pregnant!! And better still is that they're hoping to have the baby before I leave! Yay! I'm so excited! As you can tell by all the exclamation marks!

Anyway, we went to youth for a little time last night and I wasn't allowed in for ages. I kind of guessed at that point that it might have something to do with my birthday. There was a gorgeous chocolate cake - can you guess I like chocolate? Everyone was so nice and I got loads of cards. Margaret and Charlie bought me the Purpose Driven Life Journal. I think it's really exciting and can't wait to get into it though I don't want to mess it up with my writing. Jen and Ron got me a really cute candle holder and candles that smell like Autumn apparently. I also got a really cute birthday book from the Chutes-which has lots of little phrases to make getting old seem better. I never thought I'd really need something to make birthdays seem better but it's just all too scary from now on.

Then we went to dinner. We went to a Japanese restaurant where they cook at your table. Hector, our chef, did some tricks which were pretty cool. It was all fun and exciting. We then came back home to open presents. I got lots of stuff for scrapbooking (and now have some birthday pictures) and 2 gorgeous tops. Also a cool book that I'm meant to read at christmas time. Christmas seems so far off but I guess it's not.

A really cool thing was that I got to know Christine and Kathy better. Christine says she's getting a third sister. How many siblings would that mean I have? Six? Wow, big family. But it was still nice that she said it. I drove with Kathy so we got to chat about stuff and she really is lovely. I'm so glad I've got the opportunity to be part of their family.

Catch up

I didn't have any time to write over the weekend. Saturday was spent hanging out with Becca and Dawn. We spent some time searching for bugs for Becca's project and laying in the sun and some shopping.

I've noticed that a really big thing here is scrapbooking. I've decided to make a scrap book of my year here- which means I need to take some pictures. I figured that this weekend would be a good time to start as I'll be spending time with people for my birthday, plus I'm sure it's something I'll want to remember.

Scrapbooking is also something I can talk to some of the youth about. Becca, Kathy and Holley are just a few of the people who like it. Plus you can buy these really cute stickers for it.

Yesterday and today I've been feeling somewhat ill. Apparently it's due to allergies but it feels more like the flu. I'm keeping on keeping on though. Lots of stuff to be done, such as talking about Spiritual Gifts on Thursday. I'm going to be helping Charlie with it at Youth and I'm feeling a bit out of my depth. He trusts me to be able to do it and I'm sure that I can (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me) but I also feel that Charlie would do such a better job at it. I've never done anything like it before except my attempt at a children's address at cssm. It was funny! I'm not even going to say what happened then cause it would just confirm that I'm not going to do very well on Thursday. But I'll try anyway and hopefully I'll have the opportunity to find a new gift- or at least some ability to be a teacher.

Driving

I am meant to be doing an online driving test at the moment. There are 4sections, each one hour long. I can't go on to the next section until the hour is up even though I've already finished reading it and would quite like to just get it all over with.

I'm kind of having one of those annoying thought moments when I realise that me wanting time to go faster so that I can get this quiz over with is fighting with the part of me that wants time to stop so I can stay this age for ever. And yet, why do I want to stay this age? I don't know but I'm a little bit freaked about turning 19. I don't feel 19 and I don't look it either. I'm still adjusting to being 18, in fact I didn't get used to 17 either. It's so weird how time goes so fast and yet can also go so slow.

This weekend I'm going to get to sunbathe some more. Which should be good cause I'm milk white still. I've only got a few more freckles that normal, but they are really small so no one would notice. I quite need to get some more colour before people come to visit and then slag me. Plus I want to go to the beach and apparently I'll just burn if I don't get some colour first.

I really want to go for a walk but I can't leave the test cause it will sign me out. So I'm just going to type more as my only form of entertainment.

I think I'm going to spend some time this weekend writing. At home I would spend loads of time writing poetry and fanfiction (short stories based on other ideas such as movies, books etc). I've tried to do some here but I don't have the same amount of time or creativity. I guess I'm using some of it up when I write emails and journal entries. The rest of it must just be dampened by my tiredness and being busy. Not that I mind being busy. I think it's quite refreshing to have some responsibility and different tasks to do. Anything is better than just sitting here watching time tick by.

I guess I also should do some driving this weekend. It'll be weird here cause the driving seat is on the other side, they drive on the other side and the cars are automatic.

Food glorious food

I forgot to say that I had the opportunity to try some American food. Fried cheesecake anyone? At first I questioned how they could possibly fry cheesecake and if it is possible, is it edible? But after trying it I think I'm hooked. Though next time I get it I'm not going to eat spinach dip, a main course and the desert. Way too much food. I thought I might explode.
I'm sure you all wanted to hear about that, but this is an American blog so you need to hear all the important and exciting new things I'm doing here. Eating is obviously very important. Eating things that are very bad for you is also a theme.

I'm back again

Sorry I've been gone so long but I couldn't get blogger.com to open at the office and I don't have internet at my new home (for the moment anyway).

I moved in with the Stannis family on Monday. They have been so nice to me. Their house is very pretty and I like my new room. I also have 2new puppies to entertain me and the privalage of spending time with Becca. She is so sweet and cute. We have a nightly ritual of ice cream now. It's really good ice cream. Normally I'm not a big fan of it, but it is really warm here and it's nice to spend time with Becca. She really loves ice cream. Sometimes she doesn't understand what I'm saying but we are still getting to know each other and it's really cool.

I don't get to talk as much to Kathy. It's harder to talk to her as I don't feel that she likes me much and I don't want to push her so I'll just have to be happy with what connection we can make. She seems nice enough, just not completely happy with me staying there.
Dawn really is becoming a 2nd mum, or first mom. She's always checking I'm ok and she does mum things like waking me up in the morning. I don't want her to feel that I'm another one of her children cause I want to be independent and I don't want to be a burden on her. I really appreciate everthing she's done and is doing but I want to do more for her and make her life easier. I'll just have to look for more things to do.

Paper cuts

I feel like what I write in these entries is the most boring thing ever and yet people still want me to write more...Okay, whatever you want.
Today I went to the office again (as if you couldn't have guessed) and we had nothing to do whatsoever. I attempted setting up a forum which was somewhat futile and then went in search of work in the office. Karen suggested phones and my first thought was "Only if when I answer I can just pass them through to you." That would have been so helpful, don't you think? Luckily Gladys came up with a different but not necessarily fun task.

She pulled out a letter and said that we needed 550 copies folded, put into envelopes, stuck down and stamped. She didn't lie when she said it would take a while. Thankfully I had some helpers otherwise I might have gone insane. At first glance it was daunting cause I hate folding letters into three. I never seem to get them matching or straight or even the right size to fit in the envelope, but once I found a system time flew by. In fact Holley had to drag me away to lunch, even though I didn't really have breakfast and was kind of hungry.

I'm glad she dragged me away. I had a raspberry, strawberry, banana smoothie and Wendy's food. All very yum and I could nearly convince myself that at least the drink was healthy until Holley told me how much sugar was in it. Gross.

So other than that I haven't done much today. I tried to get back into the normal (what is normal?) structure of the day and just go with the flow but I don't think I was fully there for most of it. Some of the time I just sat there trying not to move so that I wouldn't aggravate my back pain. Other times I just stared off into space thinking about home and actually I'm not sure what else. It all seems a big blur. How can so many hours just whirl by?

Another thing is that three weeks seem to have just gone in a blink. I'm already down to 9 months and I feel like I've done nothing. Obviously I've made some new friends and I've tried my best to do what needed done but looking back, the stuff I did really didn't need done. But that's now and not then.

I think I need some perspective on everything.

I'm back!

Wow I've been gone a long time...did you miss me? I hope you didn't all think I'd died or something in the hurricane. It really wasn't that bad!

We hung out at Ron and Jen's house. After the power went out on Saturday night at 7.15 we spent some time playing games and then decided we should probably try and sleep during the main event. Sadly I did not sleep very well so I got to listen to the house being beaten by the wind and the turbine on the roof twirling round and round. It was all very noisy and not reassuring. But we survived. The house had a little bit of damage but nothing like some of the others in the area.

Charlie and Margaret's house had little damage also, but sadly their neighbours didn't survive as well. It must be really disheartening for them as hurricanes are really random. One house could be condemned and their neighbour have no damage at all.
The weird thing is that Jeanne hit really close to where Frances did. The likeliness of it hitting so close is about the same as winning the lottery every day for a year. Does that make us lucky or unlucky?

Personally the after effects of a hurricane are odd feelings. I'm alive and pleased that the houses sustained little damage (though the church was hit bad) and I don't really feel as homesick, but somehow I don't feel like me. I don't know why and I couldn't explain it but that doesn't mean I won't try.

I guess that I feel drained in every way possible. My back is sore from sleeping on a sofa, and I think that I could sleep for a week if I had my bed from Belfast. I just don't really have the energy to do anything. I kind of feel like going to curl up in a corner and not have to deal with being away from home or any of the other things that might stress me out or drain me more.

I guess I wouldn't mind if I had some structure back. Everything I had worked for was cancelled cause of the storm- Pumpkins, the picnic. So about 4 of the leaflets I made were just pointless. So I also feel like I've done nothing to contribute even though I've been here for over 3weeks.

I feel like I'm talking round in a big circle and not making any sense. I was hoping to convey to you what it's like to go through a hurricane and the aftermath of it but apparently all that happens is you stop functioning properly. Storm Stress Syndrome means that you have mental, physical, behavioural, emotional and spiritual diversions from your normal self. I think I have mental and emotional at the moment.

Anyway, I think I'll go before I start random conversations with myself. If you can think of any fundraising ideas that we could use to replace Pumpkins I'm sure they'd help- seeing as some of us can't think by ourselves.

Hope you are all well.
xo.

Cheer up Sleepy Jeanne

Unfortunately Jeanne is not asleep. She's moving towards my location as I type. Somehow I'm not as freaked as I would have imagined. I am somewhat tense though.

I've been told she isn't as strong as Frances. It's not really very reassuring to me though. Frances did a lot of damage, but a well placed Jeanne could do equally well. It's also not reassuring that Port St Lucie was mentionned on the news. Last time it wasn't, so that kind of says it's coming straight to us.

I phoned home yesterday and my parents weren't concerned at all. I'm wondering if that was a front so that I wouldn't be more hyped up about it. Or perhaps they just really trust Margaret and Charlie. I trust them too so I'm just going to follow their lead.

It's kind of annoying though as all the fun things this weekend have been cancelled. I was really looking forward to going to the pool, sunbathing and spending some time with Molly and Susan. It was going to be a fun girly day. And then there was going to be an overdue welcome party as Frances pushed it back. And of course the community picnic (that I made a flyer for!) was meant to be on Sunday afternoon.

Instead I'll get to hang out with Jen and Ron though so I guess it'll be fun anyway. A hurricane party is somewhat odd though.

Anyway, I just thought I should let you all know about Jeanne's visit and that we might lose power (though Jen and Ron have a generator). If we do lose power though I'll probably not get to update, so don't worry. I'll come back with an update asap.

Please pray for the safety of Florida.. There are many people who haven't recovered from Frances and their homes are at a high risk.

Thanks. Enjoy the better weather where you are!

xo.

Sunny side of the sidewalk

Hello all.
Today is definitely a more positive day although I have a headache and I forgot to wear my ankle support so I kind of hurt it again. Oops. I blame cognitive stress again. I went "totally bimbo" in the office cause I couldn't remember the code for the copier (which I made up myself and it's really easy to remember) and then I couldn't remember how many copies Charlie wanted. I feel kind of like I'm on another planet but obviously I'm not. No matter how weird the Americans get technically I'm the alien and not them.

I'm really glad I started writing this blog. A few people have said to me that writing is a good way for me to communicate and that I appear more confident through my writing. I think that's because I feel that I can easily correct mistakes and my brain has more time to compute. I also don't feel like I'm interrupting anyone as you all choose to read this. I'm not even going to ask why.

I do feel, however, that many of you do not know that much about me. I feel bad about that as I've been friends with a lot of you for ages and yet we never really made it to the stage where we actually know each other. I was thinking that if you do have any specific questions I can answer them on the blog. Random questions are also welcome. That way you can get to know me better and give me good ideas of questions to ask other people! I'm still trying really hard to spend time chatting to all the youth. Sometimes it's ok as I have the novelty factor, but sometimes I just feel like hiding in the corner again. I'm not going to though. I would really have a boring time here if I just hid in the corner. Plus I've found that there are even more spiders here than at home and I don't really want to go find them. (I found a dead one under my pillow. It was gross.)

Oooh, you've just learnt something (I hope it's not the only thing you've learnt, or that it hasn't replaced other more important stuff that you learned previously) I HATE SPIDERS. So much so that when Margaret asked me to vacuum the room I'm staying in, I blew all the spiders on the floor and sucked them up. It was rather difficult not to scream.

Anyway, today I went to a staff meeting. As soon as I walked through the door (cause Charlie and I were late) Renee handed me a pot of Play-Doh and told me to make my life at the moment. That has to be the weirdest thing so far from this trip. I really couldn't think of anything to make and then everything I did think of I kind of felt like it was insignificant. (I think that's a problem for me- my life etc are somewhat insignificant in my mind. I know that sounds odd and somewhat pessimistic but I'm working on it.) Anyway, I decided that my life was being busy at the church and being homesick when I wasn't so... I made a telephone and a tissue for homesickness and the church for the church. It worked quite well except I wasn't really thinking about proportions so I had a telephone and the church the same size. I don't think anyone else noticed. So now I have a pot of Play-doh on my desk. It's fun to play with.

This afternoon I had to plan the game for youth. I spent the entire day thinking of things for them to bring me during "Bring me". Some of them were weird as Charlie thought them up. One example of this was pond water as a lot of the church grounds flooded. We have our own lake/swimming pool and probably a million bugs. Eugh.

Anyway, the game worked quite well and tonight Charlie spoke about Spiritual Warfare so it was a good message and it was useful for me to rethink that. Being on a Christian gap-year is a dangerous path. But I like the challenge. One of the things Charlie was talking about though was that we need to be united in our faith. I'm not really feeling completely united yet cause I don't know enough people well enough. It's nice to think that they still want to look out for me even though they don't know me though.

One other exciting thing is that Charlie has asked Susan to be my shepherd. Basically I can go and talk to her instead of him or Dawn and that way I have a bigger circle of people. Plus she'll be able to help me with some stuff as we meet up regularly. She seems excited by it. I think it's cool cause she's one of the first people I met here and she's lovely.

I got an email from Nicky Algie. She said that I should use more American words in my blog. Unfortunately I'm not very Americanised yet so I just named my entry a random name just for her.

Wow this entry is long. It's also a lot later than I expected. I need to go sleep so I can get up in the morning.

I hope you are all fantastic. And if you aren't I still think you are.
xo.

Better days

I got some really nice emails and comments after my last entry and they made me want to cry for a different reason. Everyone is so nice! You'll be glad to hear that I did get a hug today. It was nice, though I was worried that I would smell like Charlie all day. Luckily I had used lots of my new "Country Apple" products and so I still smelt of them. They are nice.

Today was better even though I nearly started to cry in Charlie's office, but it was better than crying in the restaurant we went to for lunch. We had a nice wee "get to know you again" chat. I'm pretty sure I didn't reveal much of myself during it but we did establish that writing is a good outlet for me. And now Charlie is reading my blog so he gets to know all about me from the comfort of his study. I really need to think of more interesting things to say.

Oooh today I made another bulletin type thing! How exciting is that? I know I slag the fact that all I seem to do is make things to hand out, but I do enjoy making them. I like being able to work a computer, though sometimes I really am just guessing.

Boring blankness

Ok, so really there is not point updating today but I feel like I should follow the routine rather than break it (again).
I really did nothing today. Well obviously I did something cause I'm still alive but I bore you enough as it is. Basically the most interesting thing was playing the piano.

But today homesickness is so bad. I miss everyone so much and the feeling about crying isn't going away. I know that talking to Charlie helped a little bit but I don't really feel like I have anyone proper to talk to. There's no one I fully trust here and I kind of feel like a burden on those at home cause they are getting on with their own lives. I guess it's a good opportunity for my to Fully Rely On God, but I just want to cry and have a hug from someone who I trust fully. And I do trust God fully but He doesn't give the best hugs.

Homesickness

Ooooh I missed a day! Yesterday I went shopping with Holley and bought a skort and shorts for $12. Apparently very good value. They were on sale. Would have been around $60 if not. It was fun but tiring...4hours of shopping!

Today was hard. It was my first proper Sunday with 3 services. Course I have Sunday school during the only interesting one. I went to the other two traditional services and they were exactly the same except at different times. Very weird. Also had youth this evening which was just hanging out.
I have to say that my afternoon was totally pointless cause I sunbathed and yet I'm still milk white!

I went through my first dramatic homesickness today. I've felt like I need to cry since I got here but it finally got the best of me today. I only cried for like a minute though. I just really miss my family. I miss being able to be completely myself and know that no matter what they'll always love me. I miss seeing them, and talking to them and being able to give them hugs. I'm still really worried about my sister. I'm making myself cry again!
I also feel like I'm invading Charlie and Marge's life. Charlie says I'm not cause they invited me and they are excited to have me here. He also said he knew that it would be better for me to be with people who love me for a while so I can work through some homesickness. Just what I needed to hear to make me stop crying...not.

I'm overly emotional and apparently that's related to the stress of leaving home and well as the fact that I miss home.
Anyway, I need to go sort my face out before I go back into public view. I used to be such a professional crier. I just make a mess now!

Miss you all.
xo

"Sleep is good..."

Do you know how happy I'll be to sleep-in tomorrow? Extremely. I'm very very tired and I'm starting to feel a bit ill.

Today I was at the office (again) and I helped with photograph collages. They look cool though I'm sure the youth will hate them. I would if it were me. Then I slacked off and sent emails and found out about some weird music event we're going to in November. Once I find out more I'll fill you in. It's supposed to be really good though.
Tonight I went to the cinema to see Wicker Park with some of the Senior High girls. It was really nice to hang out with them cause it made me feel kind of normal again. They are really nice though they are all about 16 and they look older than me. It's so not fair. Why do I look so young?

The movie was quite confusing. Lots of flashbacks and stuff. I followed it quite well considering the amount of interruptions from the annoying kids in front of me. Don't you just hate it when they won't shut up? A couple of the girls were tempted to go get the manager but they were already confused enough by the movie that they didn't want to leave and miss a whole section. It has Josh Hartnett in it if that helps. I remember when my dear friend was entirely obsessed by him. I'm still kind of put off by the eyebrows.

Anyway, side tracked! I'm so tired. I think I need to go to bed. I might go shopping tomorrow with Holly. It's quite amusing that there's Holly, Molly and now Polly. Quite confusing too though! My last name is driving me mad too. I need to get married so I can get rid of it! Not any time soon though...please don't scare me!

Well, hope everything's good where you all are. I'm praying that Jean doesn't hit us!

Night!

The American Intern

Hey everybody...or that one lonely person who reads this. I have no idea how many people do but it doesn't really matter, cause it gets stuff off my chest and people get to find out about what it's like to be an American intern.

Today was another early start with a creak in my neck. I went to a meeting with the Sunday School superintendent (Dawn...She'll be my second mum soon, or is that first "mom"?). She's going to take me out to lunch next Thursday so we can discuss all the stuff I'm meant to do for her. Meanwhile I literally get to be Charlie's shadow. Betty commented today on how much I was just like a shadow. I'm aiming for the puppy dog look though.
I went to a crazy old woman's house to clear her lawn from hurricane debris. She actually was crazy...Apparently very similar to the woman from the exorcist. I've never seen it but all the youth told me that. Creepy.

Then it was back to the office to finish cutting the invitations. I was told that the guillotine needs oil. To which I replied "To set it on fire?" I really hate it that much. But it's done and in future I'll agree to the computer work and leave the other stuff to someone who isn't as easily irritated by a machine that makes a worse noise than nails on a blackboard.

This evening will be a repeat of last night's youth. Testimony included. I'm not sure if I can do it twice, but I'll just remember that God is always there. Just like socks. Though I'm not wearing socks here cause it's too hot!

I really do hope you are all well. I miss so much from home, but people the most. I phone my parents way too often but I can't phone most of my friends. Any contact would be great!

God socks

Today was a big, busy day. I got up usual time of 7.15 to find that I couldn't turn my head to the right. The neck problem got worse as the day progressed and I'm grateful to however invented painkillers.
In the office I spent most of the day making a bulletin insert. This time it was an invitation to the community picnic. Rich (one of the pastors) wanted it about the size of a business card which made it slightly more complicated. I got them done though. In my opinion they look pretty crap but other people seem to like them. I'm getting very sick of them though as I had to print 174 sheets, each with 3 cards on the them, and I'm still in the process of cutting out all the cards. Quite boring and the guillotine makes the most annoying high pitched grinding noise. Eugh.
After that I got to go shopping (yay?) for m&ms and a playstation2. Unfortunately the playstation2 didn't work too good so we have to take it back tomorrow. The m&ms were used tonight in a fun-ish game where you had to ask people questions based on the colour of m&ms. Most of the questions were about the hurricane as we wanted the youth group to discuss that.
Also tonight I got to give my testimony to the middle high youth group. There were only 12 of them so it wasn't so bad but I still felt a bit out of place standing at the front.

I sent an email out to a few people about me feeling like I was wearing shoes that were far too big and yet my feet just kept moving on. Phil replied to me with the coolest thing...

God is like a pair of big, squishy socks.

Not only does he fill in the things that you don't think you can do, he supports you and comforts you! Totally cool.

Anyway, I'm still meant to make a list of things I want to "change" about myself through this year. Any suggestions are welcome!

Hope you are well!

Pumpkins

Today was slightly more eventful. I made my first ever bulletin insert all about Pumpkin Patch. I personally find the whole situation rather amusing cause the church makes about $5000 just from selling pumpkins. Last year they sold $15000 worth and had to give 2/3 back to the company who gave them the pumpkins for free. They also got $3000 donations so in total they made $8000 in the space of a month from a weird holiday. Only in America.

I also went to the Organising Committee's meeting. They were discussing the upcoming picnic. For the most part I was lost but it was nice to be included. I've already gotten another job for tomorrow - another bulletin! This time it'll be all about BBQs etc. Fun.

Anyway, even though it's only 10.30, I'm absolutely wrecked. No idea why, well maybe the fact I got up at 7.15 and didn't sleep well last night.

Night!

Hugs

I keep thinking that the days are going to get more eventful and then nothing seems to happen. I don't know how. Anyway, today I got paid! So now I have money to buy stuff. I'm not really sure what stuff I'm meant to buy. I always went shopping with my mum on Saturdays but she bought stuff for 6 people and it was priced in Sterling. I haven't bought anything here yet and the dollar is still a mystery to me. I'm going to have to get someone to come with me!

Also, today I had a few things revealed to me. One is I have to work out my testimony for Wednesday night. I know everyone has one and I've already worked through mine a few times but I still think that it's not very impacting, but then maybe that is part of my character. I like being in the background but I guess I'm going to have to take a few steps into the light. (Just got reminded of "Bugs Life"- I don't want to die!)

Another thing was that Charlie decided today was a good day for the relationships talk..In the confines of a car. It wasn't that bad cause I know my focus here and I've already got a complicated enough lovelife just from leaving the country so I'm not exactly looking for a guy. Whatever happens, happens but I'm not about to make any big decisions without praying them through. I'm kind of thinking it won't be an issue cause I'm not exactly looking my most attractive at the moment and somehow I just don't care. Maybe that's cause I'm happy as long as I'm not melting and my eyes don't feel like they are going to dry up. ( Thus the skirts and glasses.) I'm sure I look like a complete dork.

My dad phoned me today and I was so glad to get to talk to him. Funny thing is that I talk to him more now than I did when I was at home. That's probably cause I didn't have as many concerns at home and I don't have as many people to talk to about stuff. I miss the true way we communicate though -hugs. I know I really need to find a new thing but I just love hugs. On Sunday Rad Orlandis came up to me and gave me a hug. Totally out of the blue cause I've never met him before. It was nice though and notice how I remember his name...isn't it impressive? Not only do I remember his first name, I remember his last name and the fact that he's a dentist (cosmetic...very rich) and his wife is called Pat. See? Hugs are powerful.

Ok, so now that I've proved my insanity, perhaps I should talk about other key things in my life. As I said before my sister was very sick. She's still not 100% and is quite likely to take another fit before she comes off the antibiotics, but she's taking a break in Donegal at the moment so hopefully she'll get better soon.
I haven't heard much about my brother. I have a really cute picture of us as kids and that's about the only contact I have with him cause he's in Aberdeen so my mum can't force him to talk to me, although she did try and put the mobile to the handset while she was talking to us both. Hopefully after this year we'll be even better at getting along without wanting to start World War 2 million and 1. I think that's what we are at now but I lost count.
My other sister is spending a lot of time at home bugging my parents. I love her but sometimes I just can't stand her. As I've said before I love hugs, but she is totally clingy sometimes and I need to get some space from her. I'm really hoping that this year will bring us closer together and will make me appreciate her more.

Oh that reminds me. I'm meant to make a list of things I want to "change" about myself through this year. Apart from the babbling, is there anything you think I could work on? I know I need a confidence boost and positivity would not go a miss, but other than that I'm pretty much stuck.

Anyway, as per usual I'm being antisocial and I've already written a whole lot more than I would have thought possible. I'm going to go now and leave you all to think of improvements for me! Thanks.

Hope you are all well.

Aww

Today I was at church. Only one service so it was packed. I was introduced during the children's talk but I only had to stand up while Charlie said who I was. Not too embarrassing.

Lots of people came and said "hi" afterwards. I don't really remember their names though. There was a set of baby twins, Logan and Trinity, who were so adorable. I got to hold Logan twice! I didn't want to give him back. I want one! And yet no cause who wants to go through the pain and the whole waking up at 2 in the morning thing?

I read Keith Anderson's blogg today and found that he had written "God has countless ways of communicating with us, we have only one way of communicating with him - through prayer!" I think that that is really cool especially since I'm finding it hard to talk to people about the issues I'm facing at the moment. Everyday I phone home and have to force myself not to cry and when people ask me how things are going, I tend to smile and nod a lot. The only "person" I can talk to about everything is God and really it is taking a weight off my shoulders (but maybe not my chest). Listening for the whisper is my challenge though. I want to hear and see God in everything.

I keep writing loads of stuff like emails, bloggs, journal entries, prayers, and a few random poems but really I'm more working round in circles than through stuff. If you can help at all please email me! Also, prayer is a powerful weapon and I would love it if people would pray for me and the church I'm going to be working with. They all seem like really decent people but it'll be hard to work with the kids as I'm basically their age and I'm easily intimidated.

Anyway, I haven't really done much else today.
Must go find fun and interesting things so I can write more later...

Hope you are good.

B-E-A-UTIFUL

I would love to say today was eventful but of course it wasn't. Somehow I managed to sleep to half 10 and then I got up and had the nicest bagels for breakfast...I'm sure you all wanted to know that!

I watched Bruce Almighty and realised that Margaret and Charlie have watched it way to many times. In fact they've even adopted some of the phrases from it. I won't tell you which ones cause that might destroy the golden image a lot of you have of them.

Afterwards we just sat around and listened to Charlie play the piano. I had a go after him and came to the conclusion that grade 2 piano is all I can manage. That and "cheers" is deadly to play.

I feel bad cause today is their wedding anniversary and they haven't really had any time alone. I wish I could drive and then I'd go out and buy them something and they could spend time together. Charlie is at church now though even though curfew started 15 minutes ago. Apparently all the street lights aren't fixed and people keep crashing into each other. Don't they have lights on their cars?

I also feel bad cause my sister had an epileptic fit today. It was only minor but I still wish I could be home and looking after her. We are really close (due to the fact we shared a room for 15 years) and normally I look after her when she's sick. She just changes the way she says my name and I know exactly what she wants. It's a neat party trick too. I hope she isn't missing me as much as I am her. It probably wouldn't help her recovery.

So that's you up to date. I'm thinking that writing weekly would make for more entertaining reading...or at least give me something to say. I'm perfecting my babbling skills though!

Hope you are all good!

Raking

So today has been a hot and weird day. Today I went to the office so I could escape the mad house of 5 dogs. We had to phone lots of people to see how the hurricane effected them. Most of the people didn't understand me and I'm beginning to think that faking an accent might make my life easier.

I ate my first healthy meal since I left London today! It's nice to feel that I'm not clogging up my arteries. I also did some excercise by raking the front lawn. I didn't mind doing that cause I felt useful, but I did nearly pass out from the heat.

All in all it's been a pretty uneventful day, though I did discover the stash of British chocolate in my suitcase! Yum. It was a very pleasent surprise... in fact, I'm going to go eat that now!

Hurricane Who?

I thought that I should start writing a Blog for all my fun adventures in Florida. I'm sorry if I don't update loads but I forget easy and I often don't have lots to say!
Basically I've arrived in Florida. I've been here for a few days and this is the first night I've been in Charlie's as we only just got electricity (air conditioning rocks!).
Thankfully I'm finally over jetlag and travel sickness though I'm nowhere near used to being here. It's all very different. I'm sure that's not helped by the crazy weather. I haven't experienced a hurricane yet but I'm supposed to this weekend. I'm sure that'll be fun!

We've basically been hanging out at Jen and Ron's house as they had a generator and then got power before us. It was like a slumber party!
I think I should apologise now for any American words I use...They really are a bad influence! Thankfully I still have my accent as Charlie would slag me loads!

I'm thinking that this is enough rambling for tonight! Hopefully I'll remember to write here again. If not I blame Cognitive stress from hurricanes, living in a house with four dogs and leaving home (and lovely N.I) for 10 months!