I seem quite happy to be trapped but... I want to be free! 

A random pic taken by Molly while I'm appearing very vain. 

Sundays

Ihad a very long Sunday. Started off at church for 8.15 service then I went and taught my 4/5th grade class and then went and spent some time chatting with people while Dawn sorted out VBS decorations. I spent the afternoon trying not to fall asleep! I practiced my guitar and wrote some stuff and then went to band practice for 4. Then there was youth and as soon as youth was over I went with some of the girls to get some dinner- the interesting part of my day.

We arrived at the resaturant before 8 and it was a disaster. We all ordered at the same time. Amanda wanted a chicken wrap but apparently they were out of wraps even though they had wraps for quesadillas but not for a wrap so we asked for a specific order made up. Then we waited for a while to get our food. Everyone got their food before me. In fact everyone had finished their food before I even got mine. Amanda and Bailey both needed a drink to finish their meals and even though they asked 4 different people it still took over 20minutes for them to get a drink!

Then they ordered ice cream while I finished my food. Half an hour later they still didn't have their ice creams. Also they were out of VANILLA ice cream (?!) and they didn't have any cheese to make cheese fries. It was nuts!

Not only that but the table next to us ordered their ice creams after us but got them before us- and they ordered 8 ice creams, which all came wrong!! We both complained and ended up with 50% off the meals. Was quite amusing talking to the people next to us- they were from NYC- but still a disaster!
Just thought you'd all like to know! Hope you're well.xo.

The final curtain..

So I'm back again not knowing what to write. It's not that I've just stopped living, it's just that I don't do much different stuff or I don't know how to describe the stuff I'm doing!

The big points though...

• Saturday 14 th was Kathy prom night. I didn't get to see her off cause I was away at a church thing but I did get to see lovely pictures and of course was one of many to find out that she was crowned Prom queen. I think it really made her year!
• Sunday Charlie couldn't be at youth so I had to lead it. HAHAHA. I actually managed to survive- even though we didn't cancel band. If I heard one more person complain about the song choice though!
• Wednesday we had a pizza party for the preschool class as Thursday was their last day. They graduated on Thursday night. It was quite a cute show, with a lot of singing! They gave me chocolates and a picture of the class. It was weird being at a graduation for 5 year olds. The only other graduation I'd been to was my mum's from queens!
• Friday night was Kathy's graduation from High school. A slightly less entertaining affair. The evening wasn't going too badly until the speaker got up and gave us a sermon. He talked about acrostics of AWESOME and BIBLE. I did nearly fall off my seat laughing at one stage though. The video found at the link above has been viewed a few times by Charlie and I for use during Middle High VBS. The part that makes me laugh the most is the "hello" part. So when the speaker at the graduation said "hello"(four times!) I found myself laughing a lot more than anyone else.
• Saturday night we went out to dinner at an Italian restaurant. I decided to be brave (again) and have fish. It was actually quite nice and I had a lot of fun with the family. The best part of course was the dessert. I had chocolate mousse and mmm...It was yummy.

Looking ahead my LAST month will be spend packing (AH, please pray I fit it all in to my suitcases and that it weighs less than the limit!) and of course VBS.

I feel like Vacation Bible School, and our theme Serengeti Trek, has taken over my life. I am a music director, with Charlie, so I get to do a skit with Serengeti Betty and I get to introduce the night and then I get to lead actions! Also I get to spend the entire evening doing the actions with individual groups of kids- at least I'll get lots of exercise. I think I'm going to need some prayer for the week of June 13 th-17 th so that I don't freak out or just stand there when I get stage fright!

The update I've been putting off

Normally I avoid writing because I have nothing to write. This time I avoided writing because I have way too much to write.

It all starts way back when, in April in fact, when I took a 6 hour flight (technically two 3 hour flights) to the OC. I went to a Children's ministry conference with Dawn and Jen. It was very good.. Inspiring and exciting. I really love working with children!

They were also really funny. One of the guys that attends the church is an Emmy winning puppeteer. He has such a cool puppet voice and sang all about a "one ton tomato". Hilarious. He also got some guys up to copy a really stupid skit that actually had me crying cause it was so funny!

So the church we were attending was Saddleback, the church started by Rick Warren author of Purpose Driven life. It has 40,000 members!!!!! Such a nice church with pretty new buildings and stuff. It started 25 years ago with 7 members and is the first church to have 10,000 members but no building!! They have a website you can look at to find out more interesting facts.

So the Sunday I got back from the conference I was totally excited about Children's ministry and got some new ideas on how to interact with the kids. It really has been working. I feel like I'm building friendships with them rather than just teaching them- and they are learning their bible verses for the next week of class! The first Sunday was nice because one of the girls, Jessie (who is pretty new) came running back to class 10 minutes after it had ended to show me that her Tamagotchi had evolved. She's so cute. She's been back 5 weeks in a row and every week she's as excited as the first. Could be because I let them play twister!

The Monday and Tuesday after were spent on Staff retreat and I spent most of the time smiling and nodding. I'm a professional now! I did talk a little bit and told about one of the things I learnt at the conference.

I found out that I'm a golden retriever! I'm also pretty high beaver too! There are 4 different animals...

The lion- Driving, Ambitious, Pioneering, Strong-Willed, Forceful, Determined, Aggressive, Competitive, Decisive, Venturesome, Inquisitive, Responsible.

The otter- Magnetic, Political, Enthusiastic, Demonstrative, Persuasive, Warm, Convincing
Polished, Poised, Optimistic, Trusting, Sociable.

The golden retriever- Relaxed, Resistant to Change, Nondemonstrative, Passive, Patient
Possessive, Predictable, Consistent, Deliberate, Steady, Stable.

The beaver- Worrisome, Careful, Dependent, Cautious, Conventional, Exacting, Neat, Systematic, Diplomatic, Accurate, Tactful, Open-Minded, Balanced Judgment.


Which one are you?

On Saturday we had another work day. My team was Charles, Lora, Eli and Patricia- two couples! I first thought, "Charlie what are you thinking?" but they worked really well together. Then I found out our task- painting an entire house. I suck at painting. It actually worked out really well though. We finished the house after working from until and the couple were so happy. I was happy that they were happy. It was a fun day although I really hurt yesterday and kind of today.

Yesterday was mother's day in America. A hard day cause I miss my mummy. But Dawn has been so good to me and Sharon has been just like a grandma. It's really nice to be apart of their family. We went on a boat trip after church yesterday along the canal at the back of the house. It was lovely. I spent the time up the front of the boat with Dawn and Sharon just catching and enjoying the breeze. Becca was out in a tube at the back of the boat with her friend Kristina. They were bouncing about on the wake. It was quite a funny sight!

I did get a little sunburnt yesterday but nothing compared to Kathy and Christine cause they didn't wear any sun cream. It was a fun day though. We went out to dinner afterwards and I managed to get Gary to be nice to me for another full day (running joke) by eating a piece of steak- GROSS! I really was nearly sick. I also tried some hog fish stuffed with shrimp, which was edible. I preferred my coconut shrimp though!

When we came home last night we did presents. I bought Dawn a gift voucher and made her and Sharon cards. It was so much fun to make them and then I filled in the entire card with my tiny writing. I didn't think I had anything to write and then I ran out of space!

I also made my parents cards and I'm so excited about them getting them next month.

Okay, so that's you pretty much up to date with my crazy life. I'll write soon, I promise.

xox.

mmm...pie...

I just thought that I should inform you all that I made banoffee pie and people actually liked it!! It's impressive I think!

I'm really quite happy tonight. I have no idea why. It really doesn't make sense cause I was kinda homesick this week and had issues, but somehow I've just gotten all light hearted and excited about something. A God thing? I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I'm going to California next week for a Children's conference. I was talking to Pastor Rich about my future plans and how I'm a little unsure and he seems to think this trip is going to cause more confusion. Uh oh.

Perhaps it was the chocolate and pie today, or maybe the fact that that I burnt all of those calories off on the excercise bike that made me happy. Or maybe it's the fact that I read my second chapter of Romans today and I read the first yesterday- thus I'm actually keeping on track with my bible reading. I have to set goals otherwise I just let myself not read.

Over the weekend we went with the youth to the lake house. It was fun apart from the driving and the fact that I kinda felt a bit ill. It was nice to get to know them a bit better and the girls were such an encouragement during small group time. Why can't they be like that all the time?

I guess I should explain why I made banoffee pie- notice how much I like talking about it? Kathy had to make something edible for her European History class that was also something connected with her heritage. Apparently she's partly Irish (isn't every single American??) so we decided to make banoffee pie cause apparently it's Irish, news to me. Anyway, it's so easy to make!!

Also, I gave Renee some of the pie. Actually the whole story is that I told her I had a surprise for her tonight and then when I was giving it to her she nearly snatched it right out of my hand. Of course, I'd promised that I would bring a piece for Margaret so Renee couldn't have it all then. So after Margaret left to get a plate for the pie Charlie told Jen about the pie. He proceeded to say that he doesn't like it due to the fact it has bananas so I produced the chocolate that I had brought for him and Marge to share. Charlie doesn't like sharing food. It took three of us to get Marge some!!

I hate when I say I'm not going to write too much and then I just babble. Hopefully I haven't made you all hungry! If you want the recipe just ask, either that or you can go and buy it at a cafe. Lucky people.

Hope you are all well. xoxo.

Easter events

Well at least I gave my excuse in early for not updating all week! Really, I did have time to, but I put it off. Somehow I just didn't feel like updating. Guess it was the case of having nothing to say again.

So last week was eventful, now that it's over and I'm looking back. I spent a lot of time sitting in Room 1 apparently watching over the labyrinth, but really I was just sitting there reading (and resting my swollen ankle). I think the labyrinth went well though. Everyone who went through it (including me) said they enjoyed it. It was a good way to be in the right place on the lead up to Easter.

I also finished my lent reading of the entire book of John. I thought I was never going to finish it! But I think it made reading the bible easier as it was a goal that I had set. I normally don't set goals so other than actually finding out more about God there's no reason for me to force myself to read it (how bad does that sound?) It's not that I don't enjoy learning about God but, as I'm sure most people feel, the bible can sometimes be a bit boring and not feel like it's actually God speaking to us- like it's directed at someone from the dark ages cause the parables and stuff are no longer completely relevant to society.

I did feel that God was speaking to me yesterday though. Pastor Renee's sermon was exactly what I'd been thinking all week- and even though I work in the church, I had no idea she was going to preach on it! God is a wonder.

Yesterday I also went to Sunrise service- to sing. Went okay after a shaky start. Wouldn't want them to think I can do solos whenever they want! It was a nice service, but really 4.45am is too early to get up. Eugh!

Easter is another occasion when Americans like to eat. I went to 'Grandma's' house yesterday for both lunch and dinner! I didn't think I was going to be able to eat dinner though as I'd eaten so much for lunch!

They also REALLY like doing egg hunts. We had our big Easter event at the church on Saturday and there were 5 egg hunts that involved 19000 eggs. How nuts is that? There was also crafts, free food, music, and inflatable obstacle course, slide and bungee run! I think in total there were 1600 visitors to the church property.

Then we had our own mini egg hunt yesterday. Not as big as 19000 eggs, but I still got an entire bucket full of chocolates and sweets that I'm never going to be able to eat! The Easter bunny also paid a visit yesterday morning- so I got way too much food this weekend.

The weather has been really heating up lately. I got burnt on Saturday and I think also yesterday. Oops. And Charlie was telling me that Sunbeds were bad! It's not too bad though, just a little on my neck and stuff. I guess I should be happy to get any colour at all even though milk white is so my colour! I think I'll be glad to be home though- no bugs that I'm allergic too and no sun that either fries you or makes you melt!

Well I hope you all had a happy Easter, and truly felt God's amazing love. I can't think of anything else that's worth writing so I'll leave you with that happy thought!xo.

Celebration Sunday

I'm very impressed my last entry is still there! The computer, um.. took a little nap.. during the publishing so I really didn't expect it to be on the site, but good thing it is because otherwise I would have been a little upset that I wasted all that time writing it. Though I mainly write for me so it wouldn't have been a complete waste of time.

Anyway, I used my lessons from The Walk to Emmaus and sang in church today, in fact I sang at two services. The second went better than the first 'cause I wasn't as nervous. I had a really cool focus point at the back of the church. There's a cross placed directly in the middle, above the pews. It's really pretty and reassuring. The second service I had built up a little confidence as I had already survived the first one so I also let my eyes stray to the congregation. Lucky I know all the words so well otherwise I might have had a problem.

Everyone was such an encouragement afterwards though. A really cool thing Renee said was that before I sang the children (who were in service because they had walked through with palm branches) were completely distracted but when I sang they were attentive and seemed to be taking it all in. Was quite a nice thought really. Amazing that they would want to listen to me sing. They were also so encouraging afterwards. One of the kids who hadn't listened to me all morning gave me two thumbs up, with a really huge grin, and then kept going up to people saying "She can sing, did you know she could sing? I didn't know she could sing, but she can sing!" He's a little bit hyper!

Next week is Sunrise service solo. I still haven't figured out if I can sing at 6 a.m., but lucky for me the clocks don't go forward until April 3 rd in USA so it will still be 6 a.m. rather than 5. Not looking forward to the April 3 rd though.

It'll be weird having 6 hours difference of time zone though. I'm not sure if I'll be able to talk to my family.

Speaking of family, it's my dad's birthday today. I didn't get to speak to him but I did send him a card. I have no idea what I wrote in it as I can't remember, but my dad seemed to like it. I do know though that I filled the entire card with writing that I'm sure he's going to have to wear his new glasses to read!

Also today it was obviously Celebration Sunday- end of the 3 month building campaign. I really can't believe it's over but I'm glad it is 'cause I can't be asked to be on the follow up team as I won't be here for the next three years. Not that I minded be on the team. I learnt a lot and got to spend time with people I otherwise would never have even learnt their names. It was a good experience. However, it was a stressful experience even though I wasn't that heavily involved.

Anyway, this week is going to be very busy so I'm sure I won't find much time to update- as I'll be asleep- but hopefully the week after things will be normal-ish and so I'll have time, and hopefully remember.

Hope you are all walking on the sunny side of the street! xo.

A vague update

So I'm back after a weekend of God and then a week of being sick (again- it's getting old for me too!) and of course St Patrick's day fun.

The weekend was cool. I can't tell you much cause it was so amazing that I really want everyone of my Christian friends to go on it. Life changing. But I can tell you that I really felt God and my relationship with Him will never be the same again. My life will be changed as a result of that deepened relationship.

My week was pretty laid-back. Monday night was a witness meeting for Eggstravaganza next week. It's going to be the only Easter event I've ever been to except for Anna Elliott's baking day last year. Chocolate and baking- what more could you want?

Tuesday night was the Leadership dinner meeting. About 130 church leaders had a really nice meal together and we listened to music and sang a bit. At this point my throat and ears were really sore but I needed to test if I could sing. A little bit but it hurt a lot and that kind of worried me.

Wednesday I practiced singing with Charlie and I made it through the whole song- How deep the Father's love for us. Charlie is going to play piano (that is if I actually have to sing- I mostly hope not.) Then I rested. Rest is good.

Thursday was obviously St Patrick's day so I wore a really cute green top with a Care Bear and four-leaf clover on it. I don't normally like green but it was quite nice on and I didn't look ill. Okay I did but that's cause I was. Care College had 4 little duckling and a bunny in. Very, very cute. I wanted to take one home but then reminded myself that there were evil pets at home and ducklings become ducks.

Thursday was also Dawn's birthday though we didn't go to dinner until tonight. It was a really nice dinner and I think it might tie me over for another few months so I won't get too homesick. Time's flying though.

I had to escape on Wednesday to have the opportunity to buy Dawn a present, but I really think she liked it. I wanted to get something that was just for her but she really doesn't do anything just for her. She's too nice! I bought her a mahogany photo frame though (and of course chocolate) and she seemed to like it. She has so many photographs and they are all displayed so nicely. She even has one from my birthday dinner in the office.

Friday I was meant to go with the family to Blizzard Beach in Disney, Orlando. However I was still sick so I didn't think it was a good idea to go to a water park, especially since it was meant to be cold. So I stayed home! It was such a lovely relaxing day. I woke up at like 8 but then I just stayed in bed and read an entire book. Then I walked the puppies and washed my car and finally got around to sorting through over 100 emails that I'd been putting off all week. I guess I missed spending time with just me. I don't want to appear that I don't appreciate my host family so most of the time I try to be social with them. Sometimes it's nice to just have time alone- or sometimes just sit in God's presence.

My favourite place at the moment is at Jesus' feet. It really is a safe and comforting place, where I can just lay everything down and worship Him freely- mostly through tears.

Anyway, I'm breaking my social rule now! I should go and either sleep or watch TV with the family.

Hope you are all well. Blessings! xox.

On the road again.

Hello again!

Well I guess I got my answer about solos. Palm Sunday is my first. I have no clue what I'm going to sing or if I'll even be able to sing it. Any suggestions would be welcomed cause I'm not very good at picking songs at the best of times and I'm kind of stressed about it so that makes my decision even harder.

I'm also singing Easter Sunday at the sunrise service. I'm not sure if my vocal chords will be warmed up at 6a.m. but at least I have a song for then. Glorify thy name. It's quite a pretty song but I'm going to have to make sure to start it somewhat low otherwise I'll sound like a cat being strangled. Not what you want to wake up to.

Today I'm leaving for The Walk to Emmaus. A very hush-hush retreat thing. Somewhat weird and Ronda and Dawn are having lots of fun getting me worried and stressed over it cause really anything could happen. They make you sing for food and stuff. Odd. I'd like to say I'll fill you in next week but I think I'll have caught the silent bug and seeing as it might be coming to Ireland it wouldn't be fair of me to say anything. Plus the fact that who knows reads this blog. What if I spoil it for someone? I'm just going to keep my mouth shut.

Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely weekend and maybe I'll update next week with my song choice. I bet you all can't wait.
xox.

My Miracle

Okay, so last week, as a few of you may know, I was a little concerned about being an illegal alien!! Customs, being customs, had given me six months to stay in the country and that ran out yesterday (has it really been that long?)

So when we were getting panicked, okay I was getting panicked and Charlie was his usual laid-back self, Charlie got in touch with the INS and found that they were still processing stuff from December 12th, and my form didn't get there until January 12th. That made us think that it would take a month for them to get through the forms, and well that had me worried cause not only would I not be able to drive (it expired yesterday) but I'd also be illegal, though not able to leave the country cause the government had my white card. All very complicated.

So anyway, Saturday we went to a seminar about Youth work called CORE (very interesting). We got up really early, like 6, and I'd been sick all day Friday so it was very challenging. When we finished the first section Charlie sent me downstairs with Marge and then went up to the front.

We came back from the break and got back to our seats and the speaker started talking. He said something about having an announcement and then he called my name. Can you imagine the look on my face? So I stand up so he can find me (cause my voice wasn't quite 100% due to being sick- plus totally embarrassed) and then he says that I'm going to be an illegal alien from the next day. Everyone cheers.

But then he said that he had something for me. Shock! A VISA! Wahoo. Except that I had to walk up on the stage, embarrassed and still a little weak from sickness. He gave me a hug and then handed me my form. ALL very weird.

So I got my form! YAY! But, Charlie did try to call me Friday night to tell me this and of course I was sick in bed. So then he called Renee and Dawn to tell them and then devised the evil plan to tell me at 6.30 in the morning. Which obviously changed to embarrass me in front of the entire seminar. And this is the second time he's done this to me!!

So that's my Godsend. I know that I was meant to be here simply from the fact that the form actually made it to me. And I can stay until August 1st if I want. Though part of me really wants to go home June 30th. And then of course part of me wants to stay. On going battle.

I know I have other stuff to update you on but I don't think I would do it justice right now. I think I need to eat something. They had icky burgers at youth that weren't chicken! Lol.

Hope you're all well. xo.

Prayer for renewal

COME, SPIRIT, breath of God,breathe new life into me. Blow away the cobwebs in my mind: clear away the debris in my soul. Bring healing to my wounds and comfort to my grief. Refresh my spirit, set my feet to dancing,and set my heart ablaze. Wind of God, touch my life and open me to your direction.
Amen.
-- Larry J. Peacock

That's totally what I hope for myself and all Christians- and hopefully all people. I've really felt God these past few weeks and although I would find it hard to describe how I'm still really excited by it.

I want to dance for God. Okay, so at the moment I should really say I want to sing for God, but there's something that holds me back from that. Part of it is that Charlie reads this (HI!) and I know that if he sees me writing that I want to use my gifts (err..singing is one of my gifts, right?) for God then he'll totally push me to do it- even if I believe with all my heart, mind, soul etc that I just couldn't possibly.

You know my favourite verse used to be "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." It's now "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And the more times it springs to mind, the more I think that I'm not really using that to it's full potential, or letting Christ use me to my full potential. Totally scary place to be.

I don't want to say that I'll do anything, although I have tried my best to do just that throughout the past 6 months (yes it really has been that long!) I really do want to do my best to let people see God through me.

This is a little off track, but still in context. I was talking to Jill yesterday about some stuff. It's scary how much we are alike, but still really nice 'cause it means there's always someone there who understands and most of the time she's in exactly the same place. A true gift from God. Anyway, she wrote me a "10 Things I Love About You" list, which was just so cute and of course something I could just copy and paste and send back to her! (Except I won't 'cause that would make it less unique.)

On the list there was one that said....
"How you are so compassionate to everyone even if they really don't deserve it."
(She really is too sweet!) But anyway, we got talking about it and I said that everyone deserves compassion and God wants everyone to see Him so that they'll want to worship and praise Him. If I can show someone a little piece of heaven through my actions then that's what I want to do.

Does that mean doing the solo in church? I have no clue. I kind of hope not. I don't like being on show. I prefer singing duets or in choirs 'cause then I can convince myself that I'm not on show- that they are looking at the other person. Easily done when the other person is Charlie and I can hide behind him and his voice.

Plus there's the fact that I don't want to get a big head and part of me is scared of confidence 'cause it can easily be compared to arrogance. I quite like being the shadow. It means that when people realise what you've done you are already gone. It also means that you get praise from heaven instead. And who wouldn't want eternal, Godly riches in heaven rather than what we can offer on earth? Which brings me back to doing things for God rather than others or yourself. I'm really fighting myself tonight.

Another thing I've been thinking about is God's direction. I know He directed me here. The fact that I had my very own miracle of getting about $4000 from basically nowhere tells me that God wanted me here. But not only that, I've learnt so much and I really feel closer to Him. I know that it'll partly be like a mission trip feeling- when you go home and things just aren't the same and so you become a little unsteady on your feet and maybe even start to sink- but then I know I can survive on my own. I know that God is there and that He has a plan for my life, even if I have no clue what it is. And it's exciting and comforting that even if I don't live much longer I know that I really followed a call. I stepped out of my box.

So direction wise I guess I'm headed for university after this. Pastor Renee keeps asking me if I couldn't just study here, but I don't think my parents would like that and I know for certain my sister L-J wouldn't. I have mixed feelings about it.

I know that part of me is a home bird. I need my family and any time my sister is sick I'm so tempted to just get on the next plane and go look after her. But then there's the other part of me that feels that I can do anything here. I can be anyone I want to be cause only Marge and Charlie know me and really they push me more than anyone else to grow and do new things.

There really is no nice way to say how I felt sometimes at home. I guess when Jesus said that you couldn't be a prophet in your home town, I kind of related to Him. So sometimes I think it would be easier to stay here and keep on keeping on. But since when were things meant to be easy? First of all it wasn't easy leaving my family, Irish food or home comforts to come here, and yet I've grown from it and it's been one of the best experiences. So why would I think that I wouldn't have to go through some more difficult tasks to grow from them too?

I guess it's like cold medicine. The more disgusting it tastes, the better it is for you.


I got to view my own little slice of heaven tonight. We had Trinity and Logan over. They are the baby twins from church. It was their one year birthday yesterday and they are just absolutely adorable.

Logan was a little bit grumpy because he's teething, but for about 20 minutes he was the cutest little thing. He kept putting his hand out for me to kiss and then every time he would give this amazing smile and giggle. It really was the cutest thing I've ever seen. I didn't want to send him home, but I guess I would change my mind if he was throwing up or something. But it's still a little gift that I'll hold in my heart and memory hopefully for forever.

Anyway, I think this entry is already a little bit too long so I'm going to go and chat to people on msn! Hope you are all well. xox.

Love YOURSELF as you love others

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
"Why is it so hard for us to believe that God's love really is unconditional and that we should imitate God's love not only for others, but also for ourselves?Perhaps we have regarded self-centered behavior too harshly. We are unwilling or unable to give ourselves the same gentle grace that God offers us and that we believe should be offered to others. Leap from doubt to belief and remember that God loves you, delights in you, and yearns for your response."
-- Rueben P. Job,Norman Shawchuck

I read this this morning in my daily devotional and found it a very hard read. It's exactly what I've been thinking about this past week and I do think it's something that I'm "unable" to do.

It's 10.30pm, Friday night, and I'm kinda sleepy so please forgive any spelling and/or grammer errors. They are just reasons why I'm not an english scholar.

So last night I went to youth and Charlie decided to discuss gay people. Of course as I was beside him he decided to start the discussion with me. I hate having to set the ball rolling. But he seems to be encouraged by how the evening went.

I told him all about how I wanted my small group to be completely real with me and that I didn't care if we never got to discuss exactly what the book said- I just wanted them to feel safe and that they have somewhere to turn. I think he picked up the "real" fact and decided to make youth more casual but more deep. I think it's an exciting change and I'm glad I get the opportunity to be involved.

However, I didn't get to stay for the whole of youth as I had to go to a Powerpoint meeting. Matt, who did powerpoint for Traditional services, is moving so we had to rethink the powerpoint team. Of course he finished up last week so they had no one for this Sunday and no powerpoint made.

So I went to the meeting to help people with powerpoint. As a result I've been signed up to be on the powerpoint team until I leave. I even get the pleasure of doing powerpoint this Sunday morning (without the supervision, or "handholding", that was offered to the rest of the newbies.) I spent a lot of time today setting up the powerpoint without the pastor's input because she's sick. I hope it's okay. Please pray for me on Sunday! I'm so going to need it! I know how to run powerpoint but their system is weird and a little bit more complicated than I was expecting. Not to mention the fact that I've probably missed a load of slides.

As well today I had to print youth contact cards for our big Easter celebration, Eggstravaganca. Totally American, I know. So I printed all of them on the front side and about half on the back and then the printer froze. It simply refused to print more. So I just gave up. I was going to throw it out the window, but it was too heavy and the smell of tar from outside was already overpowering. Not fun- and going completely along with my record of computer troubles this week. I ended up getting a whole new computer though! It's nice, and it's already survived two hurricanes in the building that's now condemned!

Tonight was the prayer vigil. I had intended to go for two hours but I'm totally zonked after today. I went in with the mindset to just pray for whatever the sheet said. I started by getting myself in to prayer mode- going through A.C.T.S. I have to write it down though. I'm weird that way - but I guess it's the writer in me. Prayer just works better when I write. So I got myself into it and then started working through the sheets. Some were requests from people I knew, others I had no idea. A few of the things really hit me though.

One couple asked for prayers for their friend who has just lost an 11month year old baby. That hit hard. My 2nd cousin Conner died a few years ago when he was only a few months old. I never met him but it still hurt. And I guess I found myself thinking how my cousin Jennifer, his mother, might have thought. Obviously it wasn't her fault, but I think that if that ever happened to me I would want to take the blame. A little baby and basically everything it has came from inside you. That it was you who made them that way. Conner had spinabifita. It's just so upsetting for just a precious thing to die. I guess I would wish it were me instead.

Another thing was for the children of the church- for God to give them direction. Lately I've been talking to parents and friends of the youth and the more I hear the more I realise they have been through way too much. And I've got to know them. To love many of them. I just want to protect them. I want to make everything better. But I can't. There's no way for me to even comprehend half of the stuff they've been through never mind start to fix it. But I did pray that God would strengthen them and provide people for them to talk to. Also that he would give them peace and let them know it's not their fault that things have turned out the way they have. I know many of them blame themselves.

I guess God's given me a heart for them. I really had to force myself not to start crying. Even when I got into my car to drive home I got a fresh wave of tears. I just know that God hates the fact that they are hurting too and He can give them peace if only they turn to Him. It's all tough stuff- expecially for teenagers.

Now I'm really tired so I'm going to go sleep!
Hope you are all well. xo.

So...

So I feel bad for not writing sooner. Okay so I really don't cause I honestly had nothing to write and I still don't really have anything to write.

Ok so since the time of my last entry my life got a little hectic and possibly self-absorbed. But I did have a lot to think through so I think it was better to do it all in one go than to draw it out for a long time.

So not much has happened other than that. I was sick all last week with this weird cold, cough thing that had me feeling really tired and sometimes dizzy and generally disgusting. I never want to have that again.

So I finally got all better after an entire week of feeling icky!

I did get to go on some home visits during the week though (even though most mornings I woke up without a voice). It really was a blessing to meet the different members of the congreation and my partner Pam was such an encouragement to me. She even made praying out loud an okay thing for me- in front of a small, small group of people.

Sunday my small group was a little bizarre but still encouraging. We decided to talk about relationships- lots of questions directed at me- but Lora said something really cool. When Kathy was talking about something that she wanted Lora simply said "Just pray about it." Which was really cool cause sometimes I make the mistake of categorizing her as ditzy.

On Sunday night youth was quite different cause we had changed rooms. We changed the setup of the night to have the youth pay for their own food at tuckshop and to have a more upfront interaction night with the youth band's debut. Was challenging for me as I haven't played guitar for about a month, I had a terrible migraine and my microphone was turned up way too loud for my liking. I do think that it went well though.


Then once everyone had gone home and we'd tidied up I sat down across from Margaret to tell her stuff about Thursday night and next thing I know she's shouting "MOUSE" and is backing her chair (on wheels) away from me.

I turned round to where she was looking and a huge mouse (which actually was a rat) was coming out of the ceiling, which really isn't there cause of hurricane repairs, and it was crawling down the wall.

I have never left a room as quickly. And I never want to return again but they are having a potluck dinner next week and I have to go! Eugh gross. I'm so putting my feet up on the chair. I don't care if I have to sit crosslegged the entire meal.

Ok, so really I did have stuff to write. Gross stuff, but stuff all the same.

So today in work I had a really bad computer day. First Charlie's computer sounded like it was making coffee when I tried to save a powerpoint presentation. In the end it didn't save it but crashed twice instead. And then my computer would only open two programs so I couldn't do my work there. And then this afternoon my computer screen turned blue and windows error came up and then it turned black and I nearly lost all my work again.

So now I am scared of computers. Well not really, but I might throw the next one that crashes out the window.
I must go but if you have free time please vote for Kate and Andre at this website-
http://www.weddingjournalonline.com/default.asp?pageref=boyvote.asp
Thanks! xo

Giving God the Goods

Ok so I haven't blogged in awhile. As well as that I haven't blogged any deep especially stuff that's entirely about me so this could be tough.

Anyway, I was in small group a few weeks ago and we were talking about marriage and love. One thing that our book had suggested was that this was something you needed to give fully to God. So I tried it.

Except I didn't give it fully to God. I held onto the love part. I didn't want God to mess up my feelings and make me fall out of love or into it either.

So I held onto that for a few more weeks until this week I came to a point of desperation. Don't we always? A point were there was no other way out except to be in pain. Which no one wants to go through. So I guess I decided that God could do a better job.

So I've decided to give it all to God. He has control over whether I marry or if I live my life fully serving Him alone.

It's a weird revelation but completely comforting. I love to think that God is control, that He sees the bigger picture and knows how the decisions can make my life work better for Him and for me.

Anyway, that was my week with all the boring life edited out.
Hope you are all well.
xo.

Being a tourist

On Monday, 10th of January I was ready for the arrival of my parents and much of the time I spoke of how I really wished my sister Lynda- Jane could come. So I went up to the airport and waited for what seemed forever for my parents to come through the gate. I ran over to them as soon as I saw them.

I gave my dad a hug and then saw a look on my mum’s face that said “You hugged him first?” so I reached over and hugged her too. All the while I was completely unaware that right in front of my nose was my big, little sister (She’s older but shorter!)

When I noticed her I went into complete shock. She had told me lots of times that she still needed to inquire about her holidays and that it just wouldn’t be possible for her to come. Of course she maintains that she didn’t lie to me because she didn’t phrase it exactly like that. I’m not so sure.

She says that she really didn’t know if I was going to hug her or strangle her, but of course I hugged her and then broke into tears. I’m sure if you ask Charlie nicely he’ll give you the photographic evidence.

So I spent the first day recovering from the apparently nice surprise. I don’t think any surprise is nice cause I don’t like surprises, but I guess it could have been worse.

The next day I took my family into the office and introduced them. I’m pretty sure that they remember no one except for Charlie and Renee. Possibly the Care College teachers because they gave us food.

The rest of the week was spent shopping, not very appreciated by my dad. He did have fun at the Apple shop and of course I did too cause he bought me a new laptop - for university. We did take one day off shopping and went to the beach and the cinema.

It was nice to show them around but I got sick of all the driving.

The second week we did a lot. We spend half of Monday at Disney MGM, which really wasn’t very good apart from The Muppets section- I truly believe The Muppets are where my obsession with puppets comes from.

Tuesday we went to Disney Magic Kingdom and went on every ride possible. It was fun to plan it all out and a few rides we had time to go on twice. My sister and I did get quite wet on Splash Mountain though, as we had to sit at the front.

However, it was no where near as wet as we got at Universal. We went to Islands of Adventure and went on the Ripsaw log flume ride. My sister and I thought it would be fair to make my parents sit at the front. However, this ride was designed to make everyone in the log soaked to the bone from head to toe. My dad has the evidence of that.

In my opinion Universal and Islands of Adventure were definitely the best. We had such a good day even though we spent most of it dripping and squelching.

We spent part of Thursday at Disney Epcot and I was pleased to find a proper English pub (without all the smoke). We went in for lunch and had proper fish and chips. Nearly as good as all the delicious food my mum cooked! Ireland is definitely the place to go for proper food! Thankfully we found the nice food after we went on the Mission Space ride. It is a simulator for astronauts. You sit in a rocket and are blasted off into space, with proper G-forces and lightheadedness. I felt quite ill afterwards, but my parents thought it was the best simulator they had ever been on. I’m just glad I never have to do it again.

On Friday we left my dad with Gary (the dad of my host family) so that they could go fishing and my dad could avoid more shopping. My sister and mum piled into my car and we drove back up to Orlando. After getting lost for a while (it was only about 30minutes) we finally made it to the Orlando outlet malls. We decided to leave early so my dad wouldn’t be mad with us, but unfortunately we got lost again. I think we were only lost for about 45minutes, but the route we ended up taking home made us 2hours late. Lucky we left early otherwise we wouldn’t have made it for dinner.

Yesterday I went with my family to the airport and it was really hard to say goodbye to them. I won’t see them again for about 5months (unless my visa doesn’t work out) but I’m sure that they’ll be in touch a lot so it won’t be too bad. The last five months flew by so I’m sure the rest of my time will too.

It was also a bit strange to be in the airport but not be leaving myself. It felt like I should be going too, like it was only a holiday or something. Thankfully Charlie is trying hard to get me back into the old routine so everything will fall back in to place soon I’m sure.

Simply everything

Well I guess I should feel bad for not writing for nearly a month, but somehow I just never found the time. This also means I have lots of stuff to update about.

Since my last entry was Dec 14th, I didn't get a chance to write about the Christmas Live Nativity. Well it went ahead even though it looked like it was going to rain the entire day! We had a pretty good turnout and I was surprised at the amount of youth participation. For the most part it went ahead without any problems (though one of the youth did pour water over Mary- to show her water breaking.) I even had the opportunity to sing with the praise band. I felt very privilaged.

Christmas Eve was full of services. Five in total, though I only went to two.

The first service was the Children's service. I was asked to play piano (hahahahaha) and well it was somewhat of a disaster, but at least I got to divert some of the attention when Charlie and I sang our song...

As we look back,

Years from this day,

We can picture the inn and the stable,

And a manger filled with hay.

Refrain

The Saviour's star sparkles in the sapphire sky,

The Saviour's star sparkles in the sapphire sky.

Upon the makeshift bed,

The Saviour is lying,

The fullness of God, yet completely a child,

His mother calms his crying.

(Refrain)

Born for a reason,

Born for the World,

To bring salvation and hope,

God's plan is unfurled.

(Refrain)

The night's sky glows,

From the light of this star,

Seen by shepherds and wise men,

Who travel from afar.

(Refrain)

Tonight as we worship,

The stars still shine,

As you see them you can say,

"The Christ child is mine."

(Refrain)

We pray for the World,

Because this star shines bright,

We pray for the world because Jesus,

Because Jesus is the light.

Refrain
The Saviour's star sparkles in the sapphire sky,
The Saviour's star sparkles in the sapphire sky.

Christmas day was slightly different. First of all there was no church, but I guess 5services the night before makes up for that. Secondly the Stannis family have different traditions, but that just makes me appreciate mine more. I can't wait til next year - I'm already excited! I especially can't wait to have Boxing day again.

New Years was equally weird. We went out to dinner on New Year's eve and then watched the ball in New york. Was nice to spend time with the family, especially Kathy.

Kathy was in a car accident on New Year's eve eve. She was passing a truck and lost control, though managed to steer away from traffic. Unfortunately the ditch was a lot steeper than she had anticipated and she flipped her car forward 6 times. It really is a miracle that she walked away with only a few scratches. It made me realise how much I'll miss her when I leave. My host family have been so accepting and loving and I know that I'll always have time for them.

And now you are pretty much up to date as the rest of the time was basically spent working or shopping. Nothing new there.

My parents arrive next week and I'm so excited. Maybe even enough to break into song! Okay, so I won't cause I'm in work and that might scare some people.

So I guess I won't be making many entries the next two weeks, but I promise to fill you in on all the touristy things I do with my parents.

Oh and by the way, by "New Year's resolution" (I put it in inverted commas cause resolutions never last and I kinda want to be able to keep this for a life time, even if it isn't consistent.) is...

To see the bigger picture rather than all the little pixels that could quite possibly make me crazy!

Hope you are all well!

xo.

God's wake up calls

Today is not a good day.

I'm having a complete downer about being here. I know I shouldn't be and I feel guilty about it, which obviously doesn't help. I've been thinking a lot lately about how my attitude needs to be about how this experience is a privilege, but I'm slipping into sacrifice today.

It's not that I'm not loving it, cause I am, I really am. It's just that I feel like I'm missing stuff at home. It's really quite dumb. I remember vaguely lots of other times when I have missed out on things because I feel like I'll lose something else. I'm not usually one for stepping out of the box, and this might just be stretching me a bit too far.

I need to learn to rely on God though. I've spend too many years relying on friends and family and here's the challenge laid in front of me. A step into the great unknown, with no preconceptions to hold me back.

I also know that change can be good. Change can create domino effects that result in big things that happen. Change has always been a hard thing for me though. It means that people move on, that new things are learnt, but old things are forgotten. I don't want to be one of those forgotten friends. I don't want to lose people just because I took a step off their path, or because I changed just a bit too much. I feel like I'm clinging to some known existance that's never going to have a place for me again.

And I know I'm being dramatic. I know that when I go home it really will be like the rest of the world has stayed the same. Sure, some of my friends will have to leave for uni again, but the months of summer will be like any other year. My family especially will always be there for me. I do know that deep down there somewhere. It's just really hard to rely on hope. I like hard facts.

My prayer is that I learn to rely on God and His hope. To know that wherever God leads me, it's the only place that fits; The only way that the jigsaw of my life is ever going to make His complete big picture.

Jesus is the reason for the season

Ooops... ah well, I'm still not as bad as other people at updating their blogs..not mentioning any names though..

I guess I didn't write because I didn't think I had anything to write. I also just wasn't in the mood to sit in front of the computer and pour out my thoughts. Who knows what would come out if I did. I did go through a few days of weirdness. It really is the only way to explain it.

So since my last entry we have been getting back into the normality of work without holidays. There has been lots of organising going on for the next holiday though.

I went to see a movie called "Christmas with the Kranks." I recommend seeing it as long as you aren't emotional and away from your family. Basically it starts with the daughter going away for Christmas and how the parents deal with that. I really got upset during it cause I don't want to be away from my family during Christmas. I know they'll phone and my parents will be here January 10th, but it's just not the same.

A good thing is that it makes me appreciate my family more. Now that I've had to live without them I can't wait to see them and to try and make family life better. I want to spend more time with them and be more informed about their lives. We aren't very good at talking about stuff even though we're a really close family. At least I already know I've learnt something from this experience.

Gary and Louise came over with Margaret's parents. It was nice to hear more Irish accents, although going round in a group of 7 was a bit weird. Especially since they are all connected because they are family. I was just a friend. Of course one of the sales reps wanted the entire story of the group. Surprise, surprise, he was partly Irish. Isn't everyone?

It was nice to catch up with Gary and Louise. They paid for way too many meals though!

It was also Margaret's birthday and we went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. I had chicken. Apparently not the done thing at a Steakhouse and just for that, Ronda took me to a BBQ place and got me some pork. My mum will be pleased that I managed to eat it and actually keep it down - Even though I didn't look so good when I took the first bite. Ronda thought she might have made a mistake making me eat it.

Charlie and I wrote a song for Christmas Eve service. He mostly wrote it, I just gave him a few ideas. The main theme is the Saviour's Star. I quite like it now that it's been put to music. I won't take any credit for it though, even though Charlie will say that I wrote it with him. I just changed a few words, like an editor rather than a writer.

During this week I just broke down. All the Christmas stuff and being away from my family and friends from home was just too much for me. I wasn't at the stage of giving up and going home, but I was at the stage of uncontrollable crying. My eyes were glistening quite a few times on Wednesday morning and I did have to let a few tears fall when I phoned my mum in work. Now every time I yawn Ronda thinks she might have said something to upset me. Thankfully I'm no longer on edge so I can control my tears. Homesickness really is evil.

Anyway, I hope you are all well and not too stressed out what with Christmas being so close. Be thankful you don't have Christmas Live Nativity to help organise. I'll update soon, maybe after the chaos has subsided and I have more to write about!
xo.