Rambling

It really has been a life time since I last updated. I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not really. I had so much stuff I needed to work through and using my blog to vent would not only have been annoying to readers, but embarrassing to me- in the long run anyway.

Lately I've been feeling quite angry at life. There are so many things happening right now that I'd just like to freeze so I have time to think about it. I hate making decisions quickly- for the most part I just hate decisions actually. I don't feel like I'm in a place to get anything right at the moment.

Anyway, I missed writing about my 20th(!!!!) birthday. Probably quite deliberately. Don't want to be 20. Filled out a form the other day and was like "hmm, what age am I? 19? Darn, no I'm 20!" Still want to be 5.

For my birthday I got a guitar, though technically I've had it since the summer. I also got clothes and cds and stuff. I got a box last week from USA. It rocked. I got a new dvd and a picture book which is fab cause now I have more pictures to look at and smile about. I really miss them all. Would love to be back there.

Oh also, I got my hair fixed! It's not longer red! That was very exciting- though no one noticed!

For my birthday I went bowling with friends from church. It was lots of fun. I also went out to lunch with a friend from Uni and went to CU and then to Roast to have coffee with all my friends. That was lots of fun, though I got slagged again. I'm constantly being slagged- mostly about guys. Luckily I really don't care. I think I take it a million time better now. Uni has increased my confidence levels!

I'm still adjusting to uni life. I don't know if I ever really will adjust. Kinda sucks when I see all the Methody people wandering about and I think how much I miss school. Why do I miss school? It really makes no sense. At the time I think I was quite dying to get out of there. To get away from all the rules. But really I like rules. I like structure. I like people telling me what and when I need to do- and having people to help me. Also, I miss all my friends. I have new friends in uni and they are a laugh- don't know what I'd do without them- and yet, it's just not the same. Things were a whole lot simpler then.

But then, would I sacrifice my gap year for simple? Nope. I wouldn't give up my friends and family in PSL for the world. My gap year was not a sacrifice, it was a blessing. I'm only really seeing how much that's true now. I learnt a lot more than I'll let on to my church and I grew as a person. I did change, even if people can't see it. My future changed. My views of family, love, children, home changed, without even factoring in God. Putting what I learnt about God and how I want Him to control everything completely changes my future.

That could be part of why I'm questioning chemistry. Could also be cause I suck at it. And maths is pure torture. Hmm...anyone else thinking Bible College? Though this could also be like the work thing- I'm meant to hate it.

What I'd love to do is sing. I love singing so much. My sister once said I would hum along to the vacuum cleaner. Not sure that's a good thing, but I have always loved singing. I used to make up songs when I was a kid. Then I realised I sucked at that too when I did GCSE music.

Ah well, I gotta go for food now. Hope you are all well. xoxo.