Student Bum

Well I've just "survived" my first week of uni. It was awful.

I got up bright and early on Monday morning and got dressed in the outfit I'd picked out the night before (how organised of me) and wandered downstairs in search of food. Not much of a selection in my house. Might need to amend the shopping list this week!

Then I went and got the bus, but missed the one I wanted to get so I walked super-speed from town to uni. Kind of tiring so not good for focusing during lectures!

So I went to my first lecture and met Jennifer. She's kind of quirky, but still my first uni friend. The lecturer is quite amusing. He played random music and refused to start before 9! He pretty much started right in to talking about the course, the textbooks (one's £40 and the other's £60- the two best but there are like 20 others suggested!) Then he started straight into the Periodic Table. Apparently I have to learn it off-by-heart!! Ok, so the first group is Hydrogen, Lithium, Sodium, Potassium, Rubidium (or however you really spell it! It's symbol is Rb, that's enough for me!), Ceasium, Francium. So I know one column- only like another 6 to go!

Then I had an hour break which I shouldn't have had, but hey it was nice to go and have hot chocolate. I went to Common Grounds cause I'd lost Jennifer and was all alone *sniff*. But I know people who work at Common Grounds thanks to Preterm so I went there and wasn't a complete loner. Plus they don't believe in keeping their profits so I was helping people too! All was good with the world... (especially since the next chem lecture was nothing about actual chemistry)...

...UNTIL... maths. Dun dun dun. I love maths but my lecturer (who reminds me of a professor from Harry Potter- Professor Flitwick played by Warwick Davis who I just found out also played Willow. Creepy!) goes way too fast through stuff. He just skips points out and then I have to try and link back. Very distressing. And the class wasn't meant to happen then. It was meant to be during my hour break, but he was nice enough to repeat the lecture. Oh and when I was leaving chem I was stopped by Richard who wanted a copy of my timetable, which made me late for maths and while we were rushing to the lecture he was smoking dope!!!

Moving on... I walked home Monday not feeling too bad about it all, especially with the prospect of having Tuesday off. I went through my notes and wasn't feeling too bad about it all.

On Wednesday I got up and went to Ashby 612. The room was completely full of people- no empty seats, and I should have realised then that not all the class was there. Jennifer wasn't even there- though she was getting her glasses fixed instead! Anyway, we sat there for about half an hour before people started to leave. I felt bad about leaving cause he still could arrive, but then we realised that the lecture had actually happened in a different room! The timetables were wrong! I got the notes and had absolutely no idea what was going on. Partly because they were in the wrong order, but mostly because it's chemistry and who really knows what's going on?

Then I went to another maths lecture and was so lost. Due to the fact that he was going through stuff he'd done in Tuesday's problem class, but I was going to Wednesdays because soon enough Chem lectures will be on Tuesday. And then after hanging about for two hours and losing Nicky who was meant to be keeping me company, I went to the problem class and he just skipped questions and moved on to an exam paper. I was so lost. So my sister picked me up, already a drowned rat by this stage, and I went home and collapsed, fighting the tears.

I checked my emails (as we have to all the time) and had two apologies about the timetable. And the lecturer said he'd go through the notes. Phew. Things were looking up.

Thursday I went to a stupid IT induction that was a complete waste of sleeping time. Then onto another distressing maths class. Went into town after that and my mummy bought me warm clothes cause I'm not coping well with winter. Plus I like pretty clothes. Then she bought me lunch.

I then rushed back up to uni to meet Stephen. Walked super-speed again only to read a text saying he'd be 15 minutes late. Great. It was still nice to see him though. And I got a hug which made up for my lousy week I think. I'm so easily pleased!

Today was a million times better. I went to chemistry and he explained the notes from Wednesday and it all clicked! Wahoo! And then I went to maths, and although I still don't understand inequalities, we've moved onto vectors and so far I recognise it all. YAY. I'm going to figure out the rest of it over the weekend.

After my lectures I went to meet my sister in town, after being chatted up by a guy called Azeem. Oh joy. My sister bought me lunch and a cd, which is part of my birthday present. She's so sweet. Oh and then I saw Julie from preterm on the bus. Was very exciting. She's going to text me to meet up with her next week. Can't wait! She's hilarious.

So now you're up to date to the point of me falling asleep at the computer ____
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Really I am quite tired, so I'm going to go sleep now. In the words of Julia Stiles, "Sleep is good..."

Life

Not really sure what I'm writing about but it's fun to see what comes out....

Last night was a cool night. Went out with Jenny and Hassan to Odyssey. We were only meant to go bowling and to Pizza Hut but we ended up going to see an advanced showing of Serenity. I loved it. Would like to see it again. Kind of gross in parts- thought I might have nightmares- but really it has everything. Laughed loads, nearly cried, was so shocked at one point, literally biting my nails cause I was freaked out at one point. It's class.

Then we went to Pizza Hut and Jenny made me drink lots of coke and eat chocolate so I would wake up. Have to say it worked for like half an hour. Pizza was yummy, but kind of made me feel ill afterwards. Somehow Pizza Hut always does. Maybe it's cause of the grease or something. Even in America it had the same effect. Very odd. Could also have been partly cause I ate loads. Potato wedges, an individual pizza and some chocolate fondue.

Bowling was fun. Think Hassan expected he would have an easy win over us. I beat him first game, but I only bowled 100. Bowled 95 second time. Oooh and I hurt my thumb, and I was getting grouchy by this stage. Overall I'm happy with it!

Last night I found it really hard to get to sleep. Think I fell asleep close to 3 and then I woke up at 9 this morning and even though I could have slept til like 10.30 (I worked out how long I needed!) I just couldn't get back to sleep. Very annoying.

I had to go to a Queens induction today. Very boring and not helpful at all. Complete waste of time! Tomorrow is Freshers festival and apparently I HAVE to go. Couldn't be bothered really. Thursday I have to go for some speech thing too. Last week of freedom- yeah right!

Looked at the timetable I have for two of my modules and it's crazy! Don't have my third module times yet but I'm guessing they'll be about 10hours per week so I'll be in like 26 hours. Don't think I'll enjoy Tuesday cause I have practicals 10-1, a maths lecture at 1 and then more practicals 2-5. Ah well. I think I'm liking the idea of getting started, even if I will be busy. I just want to know what all the modules are like and then get used to a routine again. Course time will fly after that, but really I don't know what I'm waiting around for. I'm getting frustrated with my life right now so I think I'm ready for a change.

"If not" faith

Daniel 3:15- 18
"¹⁵ Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?"

¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. ¹⁸ But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

I remember doing the spiritual gifts test and finding one of my gifts to be faith. It made me wonder, as does this passage, of how far faith can take us. I took a big leap of faith going to America- and yet it felt like nothing, especially in comparison to stepping into a blazing furnace. It amazes me to think that God is there even in the toughest times. Kind of puts stepping into university into perspective. Really compared to what these guys went through, or many other people throughout the world who are persecuted for their faith, I have it easy.

It's also cool to see that their faith is not simply because they know what God will do. Obviously they would hope that God would protect them- but really, who knows what God's going to do? They just said "even if He doesn't save us, we aren't going to worship." It's always a risk to step out in faith, but God is a God of love.

"Nothing that happens can harm me,
Whether I lose or win.
Though life may be changed on the surface,
I do my main living within."

Just read a really deep thing. "We must have a love for God so strong that even if everything around us was stripped away -our work, family, health, status - we would still go on loving Him regardless."

I think that's a tough challenge. I do know in times of trouble I run to God, like a child who scraps their knee runs to a parent. It's kind of hard to predict what I would do in a situation where I was left with nothing. I would hope that I would think that truly I could never have nothing because God will not leave me nor forsake me.

Readings

"ONE day while driving on a new motorway I noticed several large
electronic signs at various intervals above the road.  Some of the signs
were blank, while others flashed a message, usually warning motorists of
traffic conditions ahead.  I decided to look at all of them because one
might say something that would affect my route or safety.

As I thought about those signs, it dawned on me that I read the Bible
each day for much the same reason.  Sometimes the Bible speaks to me
more than at other times.  But on any given day there may be a message
there that will change the direction I am traveling and protect me or
someone else from harm.  I may find a word of guidance that helps me
make a decision or avoid a sin.  I may find a word of reproach that
causes me to change the way I'm thinking or acting.  I may find a word
of grace that brings peace and forgiveness to my spirit.  Each day I
read the Bible to see what message God has for me." 
Dick Ryley

I read this is this morning (or actually afternoon for me cause I slept really late
due to the lack of sleep before!) It was kind of right there with what I needed to
think this morning what I needed to think.  

Queens CU Preterm

I'm just back from Queens CU preterm and it was cool! I met SO many people. Was slightly daunting, but still really good. I think I'll probably just randomly bump into a lot of them cause no one else is studying chemistry so I won't be in their small group, and CU big gatherings have like 500 people there so I doubt I'll see them regularly.

The speaker Dave (I do know his last name but I'm running on like 4 hours sleep last night- which is a lot, but not when you had two nights previously with not enough sleep, plus I like sleep and it helps me function.), anyway, yes, he was cool. He was really quite inspirational and I did feel like he was talking just to me so much.

He works in City Church and is so excited about their coffee shop. He talked a lot about his work there and previously in youth groups. He also talked a lot about his family,and showed finding nemo clips! He's been married to Jill for about 6 years and they have two gorgeous children- Mia, who's 2 and a half, and Chi (pronounce Ki and short for Malachi) is 9 months old. They were so cute and really not all that put off by the large group of people.

Anyway, I wrote down a lot and thought I'd share some of that. It really is amazing to think that even as the world was being created, our lives were known and significant. No longer can we, as Christians, say we don't matter. God loves us so much He sent His son- who looked into a cup not only full of our sin, but God's wrath that we should have paid for and said "Not my will, but yours."

Dave was talking about when Jesus was praying and saying if someone had been there and asked him why he would go through with all that distress, he might say that he would never want to see the pain that was in his eyes in ours. I just thought that was amazing. I very often get freaked out by things- not to as great a distress as that, but I do hold onto a lot of stuff. One of those things is death, but really death has lost it's sting. The devil has no power- and in fact we can make him cower in fear by God's power. It's kind of amazing to think about it all.

A lot of my devotions and the talks focused on how God needs to be "always before me."
Psalm 16:8-11
⁸ I keep the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. ⁹ Therefore my heart is glad, and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, ¹⁰ because you will not abandon me to the grave nor will you let your Holy One see decay. ¹¹ You have made known to me the path of life; you fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

It really made me think about when the last time my heart was truly glad or my tongue rejoiced. Am I really giving it all to God? Do I fully believe that I'm keeping Him always before me and therefore shall not be shaken?

I think I'm in the habit of self-reliance, or reliance on other humans. Sometimes it's good to rely on others- like Jesus in flesh- but I read yesterday in my devotion "unless we have complete confidence in God how can we live as a joyous child?" I have total faith in God's ability to do anything. All things are possible. It's just sometimes I question why He would want to do that for me. I do need to remind myself that to God, I'm significant.

I was thinking also that I might be seeking to be 5 (cause being 5 would rock!) in body, mind, heart and spirit. To be free of all the burden, not because it doesn't exist, but because God alone is my rock and salvation, He is my fortress and I will not be shaken. I want to live in total dependence of God. I want to trust in God with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding- cause if I trust myself I'll end up flat on my face. Only God can make my path straight.

It's like a real loving relationship (or so I'm told) that you have to be vulnerable. When you are in love with someone you are automatically vulnerable because that person has the power to destroy you. I think that's a lesson to me, that you can't love and be protected- in relationships with spouses and in the marriage with God. I can't hold back from God and be ashamed- cover up- because apart from the fact God can see all, I need to be fully vulnerable with God. Apart from anything who else is going to love me unconditionally?

But the cool thing is that God does love us unconditionally- and pure love casts out fear. If we are in a situation where we might be rejected by others we can still step back and say "that's ok" because no matter what God loves us and is for us.

Our souls cannot relax and remain untroubled until we are convinced of the love and goodness of God. And no matter how it may seem that God doesn't love us through all the many things that are happening in our mixed up world- such as Hurricanes and Tsunamis- we need to believe that God is a just loving God who is perfect and therefore right in the way that He manages His creation. It's not like a kid playing with ants and a magnifying glass, it's like a father who sends us children out to play. If one of them gets hurt it's not the father's fault or intention, but he's there for his offspring, to comfort and love. The world isn't always perfect, but it seems brighter when there's someone who's always there.

Ok, so this seems very disjointed because it was thoughts spread three days, but the most important point is that I want to acknowledge God in all I do. It's a big challenge, especially with all the other things going on, but to quote my friend Cathay (substituting Chemistry for Pharmacy)
"I want to leave Queens knowing more about God than I do about Chemistry."

The Challenge

I set myself the challenge of classic tv stuff using the alphabet list. It's tough.
A - Alvin and Chipmunks
B- Bagpuss or Bananman ...tough...think Bagpuss wins just for classicness
C- was going to say Clangers but Count Duckula so wins! Either that or Cookie Monster- who isn't allowed to eat cookies now(?)
D-Dinosaurs or Dangermouse
E- the only TV show I remember beginning with E is the Ewoks which was cool but I think I'd like to take a character spot with Elmo or Ernie. Probably Elmo cause he's so cute.
F- Fraggle Rock cause it...rocks! And also, Family Ness!
G-Garfield (and friends)
H-Hong-Kong Phooey. Oh my. I loved that show!
I-Inspector gadget.
J-Jetsons Or Jon Arbuckle from Garfield
K-Kermit T. Frog
L-Lanolin the sheep from Garfield and Friends
M-Muppet Babies, Mr Benn
N-Nanny from muppet babies- all we saw were her legs but she was still classic. She was also the lucky daughter. Or Nanny from Count Duckula "I'll get it!"
O-Oscar the grouch
P-Poddington peas or Penny Crayon
Q- Quick Draw McGraw
R-Roobarb and Custard, Racoons, Raggy Dolls (with the evil song "Look who's in the reject bin!")
S-Smurfs, Shoe People, Stoppit and Tidy up, SESAME STREET
T-Trap Door, Top Cat,Thundercats, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
U-Uncle "Traveling" Matt Fraggle
V-The only one I can think of is Velma from Scooby doo!
W-Wombels, Worzel Gummidge, Wacky races
X- I'm thinking I need to start my own cool show with characters with Xtremely weird names- X is impossible unless I include X-men!
Y-Yogi Bear or Yaffle, Professor Yaffle, the wooden bird from Bagpuss
Z-Zoe from Sesame street, Zebedee from magic roundabout

I'm quite impressed at the list!

Portrush and Puddles

In true Northern Ireland fashion a group of us - numbers 11 through 18- went on a trip to Portrush yesterday despite the weather predictions of "chance of sunshine, zero" and "high risk of thunder and lightning." You begin to expect rain here. I should buy sensible rain shoes- do they exist?

It was a good day. Never been so thankful for Barrys. The happiest place on earth- well it is when your other option is the becoming a drowned rat who has a long train ride home. Was funny though cause we went on the Cyclone- Pam, Nicky, Melanie, Stephen and me. Obviously that's an odd number so Melanie, Stephen and I went on one as a three. I remember the ride being bigger. It didn't disappoint with speed or fun though- I laughed the entire time!

Then people decided to go on the dodgems. I figured I enough back problems without whiplash from that being added (though I am a good driver...though SOME people think I'm the person most likely to crash.)

Next was the ghost train. Michael decided we should scream the whole way round. Have to say Pam and Michael did scream the whole way round. Stephen did most of it. I screamed at one part that actually scared me and jumped at another- which is hilarious because that ride is so not scary. Glow in the dark plastic "scary" things. OOOH! Good for comic value though.

Then we went on the Satellite. Have to say I love it! I used to always walk in and think that I'd love to go on and not be scared and I wasn't this time, though I did scream. Was class though and I got to laugh with Pam! YAY!

We spent quite a bit of time around the machines and some people went on the Carousel but it was making me sick just looking at it. Then we went for a little walk and got more wet. My feet were frozen by the end of it. I also never want to see a "claw" machine again- guess Toy Story is out then.

The train ride home was so fun. After playing Trivial pursuit- Genus (?) edition, and me feeling really dumb, we played I spy with my pretend eye! The person saying the I spy part says what letter it is and then everyone comes up with something beginning with that letter that we'd like to spy and the best one wins. It's so much more fun than the real game! I won on the letter P, which is quite fitting seeing as my name begins with it, with the suggestion of the Poddington Peas. How cool were they? Was trying to think up cool tv things for each letter- A would be Alvin and the chipmunks definitely! Could take forever to make the list. Maybe that'll be my next blog- just to show you how much time I have on my hands due to being sick and needing rest!

Anyway, it was a great day and thanks to Stephen for organising it, inviting me and answering to "daddy" all day long. I never did catch on to that. Think that's a good thing.

Anyway, I'm still sick (3 weeks now!) and I'm tired, which makes sense cause it's like midnight. I'm going to go sleep. Hope you are all well! xo.