It's 10.30pm, Friday night, and I'm kinda sleepy so please forgive any spelling and/or grammer errors. They are just reasons why I'm not an english scholar.

So last night I went to youth and Charlie decided to discuss gay people. Of course as I was beside him he decided to start the discussion with me. I hate having to set the ball rolling. But he seems to be encouraged by how the evening went.

I told him all about how I wanted my small group to be completely real with me and that I didn't care if we never got to discuss exactly what the book said- I just wanted them to feel safe and that they have somewhere to turn. I think he picked up the "real" fact and decided to make youth more casual but more deep. I think it's an exciting change and I'm glad I get the opportunity to be involved.

However, I didn't get to stay for the whole of youth as I had to go to a Powerpoint meeting. Matt, who did powerpoint for Traditional services, is moving so we had to rethink the powerpoint team. Of course he finished up last week so they had no one for this Sunday and no powerpoint made.

So I went to the meeting to help people with powerpoint. As a result I've been signed up to be on the powerpoint team until I leave. I even get the pleasure of doing powerpoint this Sunday morning (without the supervision, or "handholding", that was offered to the rest of the newbies.) I spent a lot of time today setting up the powerpoint without the pastor's input because she's sick. I hope it's okay. Please pray for me on Sunday! I'm so going to need it! I know how to run powerpoint but their system is weird and a little bit more complicated than I was expecting. Not to mention the fact that I've probably missed a load of slides.

As well today I had to print youth contact cards for our big Easter celebration, Eggstravaganca. Totally American, I know. So I printed all of them on the front side and about half on the back and then the printer froze. It simply refused to print more. So I just gave up. I was going to throw it out the window, but it was too heavy and the smell of tar from outside was already overpowering. Not fun- and going completely along with my record of computer troubles this week. I ended up getting a whole new computer though! It's nice, and it's already survived two hurricanes in the building that's now condemned!

Tonight was the prayer vigil. I had intended to go for two hours but I'm totally zonked after today. I went in with the mindset to just pray for whatever the sheet said. I started by getting myself in to prayer mode- going through A.C.T.S. I have to write it down though. I'm weird that way - but I guess it's the writer in me. Prayer just works better when I write. So I got myself into it and then started working through the sheets. Some were requests from people I knew, others I had no idea. A few of the things really hit me though.

One couple asked for prayers for their friend who has just lost an 11month year old baby. That hit hard. My 2nd cousin Conner died a few years ago when he was only a few months old. I never met him but it still hurt. And I guess I found myself thinking how my cousin Jennifer, his mother, might have thought. Obviously it wasn't her fault, but I think that if that ever happened to me I would want to take the blame. A little baby and basically everything it has came from inside you. That it was you who made them that way. Conner had spinabifita. It's just so upsetting for just a precious thing to die. I guess I would wish it were me instead.

Another thing was for the children of the church- for God to give them direction. Lately I've been talking to parents and friends of the youth and the more I hear the more I realise they have been through way too much. And I've got to know them. To love many of them. I just want to protect them. I want to make everything better. But I can't. There's no way for me to even comprehend half of the stuff they've been through never mind start to fix it. But I did pray that God would strengthen them and provide people for them to talk to. Also that he would give them peace and let them know it's not their fault that things have turned out the way they have. I know many of them blame themselves.

I guess God's given me a heart for them. I really had to force myself not to start crying. Even when I got into my car to drive home I got a fresh wave of tears. I just know that God hates the fact that they are hurting too and He can give them peace if only they turn to Him. It's all tough stuff- expecially for teenagers.

Now I'm really tired so I'm going to go sleep!
Hope you are all well. xo.