Rambling again

It feels so long since I last wrote down my thoughts. I suppose I feel embarrassed by them. Scared that I'm so lost. It hasn't helped that I've been trapped in my own mind whilst being sick. I haven't had the same amount of contact with my friends as I have in previous weeks.

I keep feeling like things are going to resolve themselves- that certain aspects of my life are going to fall into place like I've pictured them to be. I'm not completely naive. I know things take time. I know that other things just aren't meant to be, but it is tough when the plans I see for my life don't come remotely close to reality.

I think I need a better balance between planning and trusting in God. I know that I can't just leave it all to Him- I need to work at stuff, especially stuff about myself. I get so caught up in life that I forget who I'm living for. Especially when it comes to things I think I can control. There are certain things that I know are WAY too big for me to handle and I have no trouble handing them over, but things like relationships I'm still trying to figure out. Doesn't help that I'm struggling with my relationship with God. I think they play off each other. I get distracted and forget that God is key- and without God everything just falls apart and then I get mad at Him. I question how it's fair that people who don't even care that there is a one true God seem to have everything figured out and yet I can't even figure out if I want to do a 3 or 4 year course at uni.

Looking at it differently though, I don't think I can complain really. God has blessed me with so much. The fact that I have to make decisions about uni is a big sign to that. I know that God has gifted me with a mind that can analyse and also be creative.

I feel like I'm rambling and that I'm really not collecting my thoughts!